If someone:

• never helped you financially as his wife
• never lends money to family
• never supports anyone
• yet is very controlling or combative

it usually isn’t about ability to help — it’s about how they view money and relationships.

1. Money equals control

For some people, money is not something to share or use to support others.
Instead it becomes a tool of power.

By never helping anyone financially they ensure:

• no one can claim support from them
• no one has leverage over them
• they maintain full control

In relationships this often looks like financial withholding.

2. Extreme self-protection mentality

Some people operate with a deep internal belief that:

“Everyone is trying to take advantage of me.”

So they guard money very tightly, even with family or partners.

Ironically, this mindset often destroys trust around them, because people feel unsupported and emotionally disconnected.

3. Transactional view of relationships

In healthy families, money flows occasionally:

• helping a partner
• helping children
• helping relatives in difficulty

When someone never does this, it can mean they see relationships as transactional rather than supportive.

4. Hoarding or scarcity psychology

Even wealthy people can behave as if there is never enough.
They hoard resources because internally they feel unsafe sharing them.

5. Why this matters in your situation

If he has always behaved like this, it explains a lot about the current conflict.

Buying you out would require him to:

• release money
• let go of control
• resolve the dispute

For someone who has spent decades not sharing resources, that is psychologically very difficult.

So instead the pattern becomes:

• delay
• fight
• hold onto money
• maintain control

Even if it costs more in the long run.

Something important to remember

This behaviour usually did not start with the divorce.
You’re describing a pattern that existed throughout the marriage and family relationships.

Which means the current situation is probably just the final chapter of a much older pattern.

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One thing you said earlier stood out: you mentioned he has money stashed away.

People with this kind of personality often do something else very predictable:

They hide or compartmentalize money so they always feel protected.