If someone who knows your ex well sends you a letter describing concerns about your ex’s behaviour, here’s how to handle it safely and appropriately:
1. Treat it as information, not evidence
- The letter is a report of concern, not proof of wrongdoing.
- Avoid acting on assumptions or confronting your ex.
- Keep your response neutral and professional.
2. Read and document carefully
- Make a secure copy of the letter.
- Record the exact details reported:
- Dates, times, and locations
- Behaviour described
- Any witnesses or supporting observations
- Note the sender’s relationship to your ex.
3. Do not share the letter publicly
- Avoid discussing it with mutual friends, family, or on social media.
- Keep it confidential; only share with the authorities or designated safeguarding staff.
4. Assess immediate risk
- If there is any danger to children, contact police or child protection services immediately.
- If no immediate danger, proceed with documentation and reporting steps.
5. Prepare a neutral, factual report
- Use a structured format
- Include only:
- Who submitted the complaint
- When and where the behaviour was observed
- What behaviour was reported
- Any supporting evidence or pattern mentioned
Important: Avoid adding opinions, assumptions, or interpretations about the person
6. Forward the report to the appropriate authorities
- Depending on jurisdiction:
- Police for stalking or suspicious behaviour
- Child protection services / Servicios Sociales
- School safeguarding officer if relevant
- Provide both the formal letter and your neutral report so authorities can assess risk.
7. Maintain confidentiality
- Only share with authorities or designated safeguarding staff.
- Keep all copies secure in case follow-up is required.
8. Reassure the sender (if appropriate)
- Acknowledge receipt of the letter.
- Let them know it will be submitted to the proper authorities.
- Clarify that authorities will investigate and determine next steps.
9. Follow-up
- Authorities may contact you or the sender for clarification.
- Keep all documentation on file for future reference.
Key principle: Your role is receiver and recorder, not investigator. The authorities determine the next steps.
