I keep seeing apps and posts asking:
“Was it my fault?”
“How do I get him back?”
“What did I do wrong?”

Let me be very clear.

If abuse, control, coercion, intimidation, or violence are present —
this is NOT a relationship problem.
It is NOT a communication issue.
And it is NOT something an app, quiz, or checklist can fix.

Abuse is not caused by asking the wrong questions, saying the wrong thing, or failing to “try harder.”
Abuse exists because someone chooses power over respect.

These apps thrive on self-blame.
They train people — mostly women — to interrogate themselves instead of questioning harmful behaviour.

No algorithm will tell you this truth, so I will:

👉 You are not responsible for someone else’s violence.
👉 You do not fix control by becoming smaller, quieter, or more compliant.
👉 If fear is part of the relationship, love is not.

If abuse is involved, the answer is not “how do I get them back?”
The answer is how do I get myself safe, supported, and free.

Stop downloading shame.
Start naming abuse.

— Linda

💬 If this helps even one person stop blaming themselves, it’s worth saying.