It starts innocently enough.
You help. You lend. You sew. You bake. You listen. You fix.
Before long, you’ve become the neighbourhood “Oh, she can do it!”
“She’s got a sewing machine!”
“She’s so kind — she’ll help you.”
“Ask her, she’s the best!”
And yes — you are the best.
Until the day comes when you need help, and suddenly… tumbleweeds.
The same people who lined up for your free kindness package are now mysteriously unavailable, busy, or “sending love” instead of lifting a finger.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Over-Giving
Your brain, bless it, runs on a powerful reward system.
Every time you help, it releases dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter.
That’s why generosity feels addictive — you literally get a chemical high from being kind.
But there’s a catch.
The amygdala, your brain’s stress sensor, doesn’t like saying “no.”
It fears rejection or conflict, so your prefrontal cortex (the sensible part) gets overruled.
Translation? You agree to hem curtains at 11 p.m. while quietly plotting your own escape from humanity.
💸 Why the Takers Keep Taking
Psychologically, some people are wired for entitlement.
They’ve learned that if they flatter enough — “You’re amazing! So talented! Such a good friend!” — you’ll keep giving.
That praise triggers your dopamine again, and boom — they’ve hacked your brain.
It’s not that they don’t know they’re taking advantage.
It’s that your generosity has become part of their lifestyle plan.
They get free labour; you get chronic resentment and a half-finished to-do list.
🧘♀️ The Boundary Upgrade (a.k.a. Emotional Firewalls)
Here’s where the magic — and science — of change kicks in.
When you finally start saying no, your nervous system initially panics.
But over time, your brain rewires.
New neural pathways form around self-respect, calm, and balance.
Of course, that’s when the chorus begins:
“You’ve changed!”
“You’re not as nice as you used to be!”
“You’re so hard now!”
No, darling — you haven’t changed.
You’ve just stopped offering unlimited emotional and practical credit to people who never paid their bill.
🌿 The Takeaway
Being kind is beautiful.
Being used is exhausting.
Your empathy is a gift — not a public resource.
So lend when you want to, not when you’re guilted to.
Help from the heart, not from habit.
And remember: even the most generous souls need boundaries to stay kind.
Because neuroscience says so — and frankly, so does your sewing machine. 🧵😉
