(A calm guide for survivors and those supporting them)
Ending a marriage is never easy — and when there has been abuse, control, or intimidation, the process can feel frightening and confusing.
Knowing what to expect can help you regain a sense of safety, stability, and control as you take each step forward.
⚖️ 1. Divorce in Spain: The Basics
In Spain, divorce is a legal process that ends a marriage and decides how to share property, care for children, and arrange financial support.
There are two main ways it happens:
- Mutual Agreement Divorce (Divorcio de Mutuo Acuerdo)
- Both partners agree to separate peacefully and sign a written plan called a convenio regulador (settlement agreement).
- It covers custody, child support, home arrangements, and finances.
- It’s fast, simple, and usually handled by one lawyer for both.
- Contentious Divorce (Divorcio Contencioso)
- Used when there is conflict, abuse, or coercive control.
- Each person has their own lawyer and procurador (court representative).
- A judge makes the final decisions.
- This route takes longer but gives more protection when there’s a power imbalance or fear.
🧩 2. When Abuse or Coercive Control Is Involved
If you’ve experienced psychological, physical, or financial abuse, it’s vital to tell your lawyer early.
This allows the court to:
- Request protective measures (medidas cautelares), such as exclusive use of the family home or restraining orders.
- Involve court psychologists or social workers to evaluate family safety and the children’s wellbeing.
- Transfer the case to a Specialised Gender-Violence Court (Juzgado de Violencia sobre la Mujer), where judges and psychologists understand coercive control and trauma.
These professionals can help the court see the full picture — not just what happens on paper.
🧠3. What to Expect During the Process
- Your lawyer files a petition (demanda de divorcio) with your requests and evidence.
- The other party has a set time (usually 20 days) to respond.
- The court may schedule psychological or social evaluations.
- If you can’t agree, a hearing or trial will take place — but your lawyer speaks for you most of the time.
- The judge will then issue a divorce decree (sentencia de divorcio), deciding on property, housing, custody, and support.
If needed, you can appeal the decision later.
đź’¬ 4. Common Feelings During Legal Proceedings
It’s normal to feel:
- Fear or anxiety before hearings.
- Frustration with delays or intimidating tactics from the other side.
- Emotional exhaustion from reliving the abuse in legal language.
These feelings don’t mean you’re weak — they’re natural trauma responses.
Working with a trauma-informed therapist during the process can help you stay grounded and supported.
🕊️ 5. Tips to Protect Yourself Emotionally and Practically
- Keep everything in writing — avoid direct contact with your ex-partner.
- Ask your lawyer to communicate for you at all times.
- Save copies of all documents and communications.
- Surround yourself with a support network — trusted friends, family, or professionals who remind you of your truth.
- Take breaks from legal discussions when you feel overwhelmed — healing is just as important as the outcome.
🌿 Final Thought
Divorce after abuse is not just about ending a marriage — it’s about reclaiming your voice, your safety, and your peace.
The Spanish legal system is learning more each year about coercive control, and you have the right to be heard and protected.
With trauma-aware legal and psychological support, the process can become not just a separation — but a step toward recovery and freedom.
