Let’s sit with this for a moment: someone is saying that two different women (possibly in different contexts or relationships with that person) are “pathogenically jealous.” That’s a strong and clinical-sounding accusation. The question becomes: Is it actually about those women? Or is there something deeper going on?
💡 Is it possible both women have the same “problem”?
Yes, in theory, it’s possible that two people could share a similar struggle, especially if they’ve had similar past experiences—like:
- History of betrayal or abandonment
- Attachment trauma
- Chronic insecurity or low self-worth
- Past relationships that conditioned them to be hypervigilant
But here’s the key: even if both women did experience jealousy, that doesn’t make them pathologically jealous—context matters.
🔍 More likely: There’s a reason for their behavior
If two different women (independently of one another) showed signs of jealousy with the same person, a few patterns could be at play:
1. A relational pattern is being repeated
It’s important to ask:
- Does this person tend to provoke jealousy in others, intentionally or unintentionally?
- Do they flirt, triangulate, or keep exes or romantic rivals close in ways that make partners feel insecure?
- Do they avoid taking emotional responsibility and instead blame others for having “issues”?
This is known as emotional triangulation or breadcrumbing, and it can create feelings of jealousy and competition, even in emotionally stable people.
2. Projection or gaslighting
Sometimes people who don’t want to take responsibility for their own behaviors project blame outward. By accusing someone of “jealousy,” they can avoid addressing the ways they may be crossing emotional boundaries or creating insecurity.
This is a classic deflection technique:
“You’re crazy/jealous/needy” becomes a shield to block any emotional accountability.
If two different women are being labeled this way, it raises a red flag: what is the common denominator?
3. The person is misinterpreting healthy emotional reactions
What one person calls “jealousy,” another might experience as:
- A legitimate request for clarity
- A need for emotional safety
- A boundary being voiced
- A reaction to being invalidated or lied to
When someone has difficulty sitting with others’ emotional needs, they may pathologize them instead.
🔄 Flip the question: Could this person’s behavior be creating jealousy?
This person might not be doing it maliciously—but some people constantly seek validation, charm others, or avoid clear boundaries, and that can leave the people closest to them feeling insecure or unsettled.
If that’s the case, it’s not that the women are “pathogenically jealous”—it’s that their nervous systems are responding to mixed signals, emotional withholding, or other relational stressors.
🌿 Final thought: Emotions are never “the problem”—they’re messengers
Jealousy, even when uncomfortable, is often pointing to a deeper truth:
- Is something unsafe here?
- Am I being compared or replaced?
- Are my needs being minimized?
- Is this a familiar pain repeating itself?
Pathologizing someone’s response shuts down that inquiry. But listening to it—with compassion and curiosity—can open the door to real healing.
