Lust is primarily physical and chemical. Itās driven by sexual attraction, the desire for physical closeness, and often, an idealized version of the other person.
Key Traits of Lust:
- Immediate and intenseĀ attraction
- Fueled byĀ dopamine and testosteroneĀ ā the “reward” and “sex” hormones
- OftenĀ obsessive, centered on the body or fantasy of the person
- May lack emotional depth or vulnerability
- Easily confused with love because of itsĀ intensity
- CanĀ fade quicklyĀ once novelty wears off or desires are fulfilled
š§ Neuroscience of Lust:
In the brain, lust activates the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the nucleus accumbensāparts of the reward circuit. It’s about pleasure, novelty, and pursuit. Lust can override logic and judgment, which is why it sometimes leads people into impulsive decisions.
š LOVE: The Deep Bond That Grows
Love, especially long-term or secure love, is emotional, psychological, and physiological. It develops slowly, through time, shared experiences, and consistent care.
Key Traits of Love:
- Built onĀ emotional intimacy, safety, and trust
- Grows throughĀ shared values, mutual respect, and vulnerability
- IncludesĀ care, sacrifice, forgiveness, and compromise
- Requires effort, communication, andĀ emotional maturity
- May involve lust, but it’s not dependent on it
- IsĀ steady, not just a highāitās also there in the mundane and the hard moments
š§ Neuroscience of Love:
Long-term love activates areas in the brain associated with attachment, like the oxytocin and vasopressin systems. These hormones create feelings of safety, bonding, and loyalty. Functional MRI scans show that love can calm areas associated with fear and anxiety. This is why a loving relationship often makes people feel “at home” and grounded.
š How to Tell the Difference in Real Life:
| Question to Ask Yourself | If It’s Lust | If It’s Love |
|---|---|---|
| Why am I drawn to them? | Physical desire, mystery, excitement | Emotional connection, shared values |
| How do I feel after intimacy? | Sometimes empty or distant | Connected, safe, emotionally full |
| Do I feel safe being vulnerable? | Often no ā fear of rejection or disinterest | Yes ā you can be your authentic self |
| Are we growing together? | Stuck in physical cycle | Supporting each otherās growth |
| Can I see a future with them? | Vague or unrealistic | Clear and aligned with your goals |
š± Can Lust Turn Into Love?
Yes, it canābut not always. Lust is often the first stage of romantic relationships. If both people invest emotionally, grow in trust, and truly get to know each other beyond the physical, lust may evolve into a deeper love. But if the relationship stays surface-level or is based on idealization, it may not withstand the test of time, conflict, or real vulnerability.
š§āāļø A Loving Relationship Feels Like:
- Breathing easier, not holding your breath
- FeelingĀ seen, heard, and accepted
- ExperiencingĀ consistency, even when life gets messy
- Choosing each other, even after the initial high fades
ā¤ļøāš„ Final Thought:
Lust is a spark. Love is a fire that needs nurturing.
Lust is the song that makes your heart race. Love is the rhythm that steadies your soul.
Lust asks, āWhat can I get?ā Love asks, āHow can we growātogether?ā
