Ten months ago, I filed for divorce. What followed was a predictable script: threats, harassment, subpoenas, financial manipulation, and a sudden interest in control tactics disguised as legal action. He offered 10%, threw legal fees like confetti — over €1000 spent fighting over nothing. All for what? To cling onto control. To continue a pattern as old as the relationship itself.
What we often fail to see clearly while still in the storm is how predictable abusers can become once their power begins to slip. Psychology has a name for this: post-separation abuse. It’s not about love, it’s about dominance. It’s the desperate scramble to regain control once the power dynamic starts to shift.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Control and Chaos
Neuroscience teaches us that chronic abuse changes the way the brain processes fear, safety, and even decision-making. Living under coercive control rewires the nervous system into hypervigilance — a constant state of “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.”
I lived for years like a rabbit in the headlights — tense, anxious, braced for the next outburst. But with distance comes clarity, and slowly, the brain begins to heal. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and decision-making, comes back online. The amygdala, once hijacked by fear, calms. You begin to feel joy again. To laugh. To breathe.
And that’s the greatest revenge — peace.
🔁 Control Patterns and Narcissistic Games
What’s transparent now is the cycle: using lavish holidays and family outings not as acts of love, but as displays of power. Money is shuffled around before divorce to mask manipulation. Acts of generosity are used to earn public praise, while privately there’s harassment, intimidation, and property damage — classic signs of covert narcissistic behavior. The goal isn’t reconciliation or closure — it’s to win.
These aren’t acts of desperation; they’re acts of entitlement. And when that entitlement is challenged, the abuser doesn’t self-reflect — they escalate.
💡 What Freedom Really Feels Like
But here’s the truth I want to share for anyone going through something similar:
You can survive coercive control. You can thrive without the chaos. And no, it doesn’t cost a thing to laugh again.
Today, people say I look brighter. Lighter. Like the weight of walking on eggshells has finally been lifted. That’s not by accident — that’s what healing looks like when your nervous system is no longer in constant alarm mode.
Because life after control isn’t about revenge or “winning.” It’s about joy. It’s about waking up without dread in your stomach. It’s about laughing freely and living simply — and knowing that’s more valuable than any courtroom battle ever will be.
🚫 To Those Still Trying to Intimidate:
Spend your money. File your threats. Break what isn’t yours the car and who knows what else if he doesnt get his own way!. You’re proving the point — and the world sees it now.
You didn’t break me. You set me free.
