Masking refers to when a neurodivergent person (usually someone with ADHD, autism, or both) consciously or unconsciously hides their natural behaviors, needs, or traits in order to fit in, avoid judgment, or protect themselves.
They may appear “fine” on the outside, while inwardly suppressing distress, discomfort, confusion, or emotional overwhelm.
🤯 What Are They Masking?
Here are some common traits they may hide:
1. Stimming
- Self-soothing behaviors like rocking, tapping, fidgeting, hair twirling, humming, pacing.
- These are calming and regulatory, but often misunderstood as “weird” or “childish.”
2. Sensory Overload
- Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells, textures, or even crowds can be overwhelming.
- They may hide their discomfort, pretend they’re fine, and smile through the distress—only to crash later in private.
3. Burnout
- Emotional and physical exhaustion from pretending to be “neurotypical” all day.
- They may keep it together all day at work or social events, then cry, shut down, or withdraw for days afterward.
4. Communication Style
- For autistic people, things like eye contact, tone modulation, and social cues may not come naturally.
- They might study social behaviors (e.g., watching how others talk or joke) and mimic them to appear “normal.”
5. Hyperactivity or Inattention (ADHD)
- Constant movement, blurting out thoughts, daydreaming, or distractibility are common.
- In social settings, they may force themselves to sit still or focus—but it takes a huge toll.
🧠 Why Do People Mask?
- Fear of being judged (“You’re too much” or “You’re too weird”)
- Wanting to be accepted and feel included
- Safety concerns, especially for children and women (autistic girls and women often go undiagnosed for this reason)
- Avoiding punishment in school, work, or relationships
- Trauma survival strategies—especially for those who were constantly corrected, mocked, or made to feel “wrong” growing up
😢 Emotional Impact of Masking
Masking can feel like wearing a tight suit all day:
- Exhausting
- Depersonalizing
- Draining
- Emotionally isolating
People who mask long-term often describe:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Identity confusion (“Who am I when I stop pretending?”)
- Meltdowns or shutdowns in private
- Difficulty forming authentic relationships (because they’re never fully “seen”)
🌱 The Healing Shift: From Masking to Unmasking
Healing often begins with:
- Self-awareness – Recognizing that their distress isn’t from being “broken,” but from trying to survive in a world not built for them.
- Safe relationships – Where they don’t have to perform or hide.
- Therapy or support groups – Especially neurodivergent-affirming therapists who help rebuild identity without shame.
- Creating sensory-friendly environments and boundaries.
Unmasking is a form of reclaiming the self:
“I don’t need to exhaust myself pretending to be someone else to be worthy of love or inclusion.”
💬 Real-life Example:
A woman with autism might smile, laugh at the right times, and make eye contact at a dinner party. No one notices anything is wrong. But when she gets home, she collapses in bed, physically nauseous from the noise, overstimulation, and effort it took to pretend.
She cancels the next day’s plans, not because she’s lazy or rude, but because she’s burnt out. No one sees this side—just the mask.
