Confirmation bias is a psychological tendency we all have—often unconsciously—where we seek out, interpret, and remember information in ways that confirm our existing beliefs or expectations, while ignoring or downplaying evidence that contradicts them.
In simple terms:
It’s the brain’s way of saying:
“See? I knew I was right!”
—even when it isn’t.
📌 Examples of Confirmation Bias
- In relationships
If you believe someone doesn’t care about you, you might only notice the times they forget to reply to a message or seem distracted—while ignoring the times they show love or support. The bias filters out anything that doesn’t match your belief. - In toxic dynamics
Abusers often use confirmation bias to reinforce control. For example:
“You’re always so dramatic!”
If you protest or cry, it “confirms” their narrative—even if their behavior caused the distress in the first place.
- In politics or religion
People tend to read articles or follow accounts that support their views and dismiss or discredit opposing opinions, no matter how valid. We gravitate toward sources that echo what we already believe.
🧠 Why Does It Happen?
Confirmation bias is partly a survival tool. The brain likes certainty and patterns. Once it believes something, it wants to keep believing it—because uncertainty feels uncomfortable and unsafe.
But while it may have helped in the wild (e.g., “That berry made me sick once, so all berries are bad”), in emotional life and relationships, it can be misleading, even dangerous.
🔄 How It Shows Up in Healing from Abuse
When someone has been manipulated or gaslit for years:
- They may have been conditioned to believe they were the problem.
- Even after leaving, they might only focus on “proof” that they’re flawed, broken, or incapable.
- Meanwhile, they overlook signs of their growth, strength, and worth.
It can also work the other way:
If they start waking up to the abuse, they’ll begin noticing patterns and red flags that once seemed “normal.” The shift in belief changes what they see—and what they’re willing to accept.
🧭 How to Work With Confirmation Bias
- Pause and ask: Am I only seeing what supports my belief? What might I be missing?
- Challenge your inner narrative: What if the opposite were true? What evidence supports that?
- Stay curious instead of certain: Growth requires questioning, not clinging.
- Invite neutral perspectives: A trusted friend or therapist can help offer a reality check.
- Remember: new evidence deserves new beliefs.
💬 Final Thought:
Confirmation bias isn’t a flaw—it’s human. But left unchecked, it can keep you stuck in false beliefs, toxic relationships, or self-blame.
When you begin to heal, you start rewriting your inner story. And when your beliefs change, your world changes.
