Ah, the honeymoon phase — that early, glowing stage of a relationship where everything feels exciting, new, and full of possibility. But if you’ve experienced toxic or abusive love in the past, this phase can feel confusing rather than comforting.
You might find yourself asking:
- “Is this too much?”
- “Do they really mean it?”
- “Should I expect to be treated this well?”
- “Is it okay to enjoy this — or am I being naïve?”
Let’s get something clear:
❤️ Being loved well is not a luxury. It’s not spoiling. It’s your baseline.
🧠From a Psychological Perspective: The Healing Dissonance
When you’ve been in unhealthy relationships — especially ones where your needs were belittled, ignored, or weaponized — healthy affection can feel suspicious.
Your nervous system is wired to detect danger. So when love finally arrives with gentleness, presence, and kindness — it may feel unfamiliar or even unsafe.
This is called cognitive dissonance — when your brain says, “This is good,” but your body whispers, “I don’t trust it yet.”
That’s okay. You’re re-learning safety.
🌼 What a Healthy Honeymoon Phase Should Look Like
Here’s what to expect (and accept!) in a genuinely nurturing beginning of a relationship:
1. Curiosity About You
They should want to know:
- What makes you laugh
- What your passions are
- How you like your tea
- What lights you up, so they can help you shine brighter
It’s not just flirtation — it’s attunement.
2. Thoughtful Gestures
Small surprises, warm messages, cooking dinner, a coffee drop-off, checking in with how your day went.
Not grand gestures that scream performance, but little things that whisper I see you.
3. Emotional Availability
- They listen.
- They respond.
- They validate.
- They don’t flinch when you’re vulnerable.
This is the soil that emotional intimacy grows in.
4. Reciprocity
You don’t feel like you’re the one doing all the chasing, planning, checking in, or waiting.
There’s flow. Effort on both sides. Mutuality.
5. Respect for Your Autonomy
Healthy partners want to be close — but not consume you. They understand you’re a whole person with a life, hobbies, and history. They don’t feel threatened by your independence.
đźš© But Be Cautious of Love-Bombing
If the affection feels overwhelming, fast, intense, and doesn’t allow space for you to breathe — this may be love-bombing, especially if it’s paired with:
- Pressure to commit quickly
- Possessiveness
- Mood swings when you assert boundaries
- Over-the-top gestures early on, with very little emotional depth
Healthy love grows steadily. It doesn’t come crashing down like a wave. It builds.
đź’¬ A Good Test to Ask Yourself:
“Do I feel seen, safe, and steady — or am I just being swept off my feet with no room to land?”
đź“ť Journal Prompts for Reflection:
- What does “being spoilt” mean to me — and why does it feel uncomfortable?
- Have I learned to associate love with sacrifice or silence?
- What kind of affection do I actually enjoy receiving?
- How do I want someone to make me feel in the early stages of connection?
🌷Final Word: You Are Allowed to Enjoy This
Let them cook for you.
Let them ask how you slept.
Let them send sweet messages.
Let yourself be adored.
Not because you “earned it.”
Not because you’re “lucky.”
But because you’re worthy of it.
This isn’t spoiling.
It’s love, delivered in its most basic, beautiful form.
