From a psychological point of view, the statement you’ve described is a clear example of manipulative, coercive, and gaslighting behavior, commonly seen in individuals exhibiting narcissistic or abusive traits. Let’s break it down and explore what this kind of behavior typically signifies:
🔍 1. Gaslighting
Definition: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser tries to make the victim doubt their perception of reality, memory, or sanity.
- Example in your case: Telling you that “you’ve lost a lot of respect from a lot of people” when in fact your mutual friends expressed support for you and advised you to block the toxic people.
- Purpose: This tactic is designed to make you question your support network, feel isolated, and doubt your reality and judgment, which can shake your confidence just before a pivotal moment like a court case.
🧠 2. Smear Campaign
Definition: An effort by an abuser to damage the victim’s reputation behind their back, often by spreading lies or exaggerated stories.
- Example: The false accusation that you committed perjury or are at risk of serious legal consequences.
- Purpose: To discredit you to others and create doubt, fear, and shame in you. It’s also used to control the narrative and make others question your credibility.
🚨 3. Threats and Intimidation (Coercive Control)
Definition: Intimidating someone through veiled or explicit threats to gain control or suppress their actions.
- Example: Suggesting that your friend “may be subpoenaed” and that the consequences are extremely serious is not only unkind—it’s a threat designed to scare and silence you.
- Purpose: To instill fear, to keep you from standing your ground, or to pressure you into withdrawing or changing your testimony.
🕸 4. Projection
Definition: A psychological defense mechanism where someone projects their own undesirable traits, actions, or intentions onto someone else.
- Example: The accuser may be the one engaging in dishonest or manipulative behavior but accuses you of lying or perjury.
- Purpose: It shifts blame and responsibility away from them and onto you, often to preserve their self-image or manipulate others’ perceptions.
🔄 5. Manipulation Through False Consensus
Definition: Claiming that “everyone” thinks or feels a certain way when they don’t.
- Example: “You’ve lost a lot of respect from a lot of people” is a sweeping generalization that’s meant to make you feel ostracized and alone.
- Reality: Your mutual friends directly contradicted this statement, affirming your instincts and encouraging you to cut ties with toxic individuals.
⚖️ Why This Is Especially Dangerous Pre-Court
The timing of this manipulation—right before a court case—is strategic and intentional. Abusers often try to destabilize or provoke victims right before important legal proceedings to:
- Cause emotional distress and undermine testimony
- Force a retraction or settlement
- Discredit or intimidate key witnesses
💡 How to Protect Yourself Psychologically
- Document everything – Keep records of messages, communications, and any interactions, especially if they cross legal or ethical lines.
- Reinforce your truth – Trust your support network. When they validate you, accept it. They are not being fooled.
- Limit contact – You’ve already taken the right step by blocking toxic people. Maintain those boundaries.
- Grounding techniques – Practice self-soothing and grounding exercises to stay emotionally regulated in the face of psychological manipulation.
- Work with your therapist – Continue reflecting and processing with a qualified therapist to keep your mindset clear, especially as you approach court dates.
This behavior reflects the classic pattern of emotional abuse and coercive control. It’s not just unkind—it’s deeply toxic, and designed to undermine you just when you are finally standing strong and speaking your truth.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
