By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
It’s a story I hear far too often—and one I have personally lived through. After decades of emotional labor, loyalty, and endurance in a long-term relationship, when the time comes to claim what is rightfully yours—suddenly, you become the villain. A gold-digger. A vulture. A threat to the false narrative others have carefully constructed.
And all you’ve asked for? Your fair share. Your 50%.
That’s not greed. That’s equity.
So let’s talk about what’s really going on here—from both a lived and psychological standpoint.
The Projection Trap: Why the Accuser Often Reveals Themselves
In psychology, projection is a defense mechanism where a person attributes their own unwanted feelings, motives, or actions onto someone else. It’s much easier to accuse another of being greedy, heartless, or opportunistic than to confront those feelings within themselves.
When people call you a “vulture” for wanting your rightful share of a shared asset, it often says far more about their motives than yours. These accusations usually surface when money becomes a tangible symbol of something deeper: power, control, legacy, or guilt.
They weren’t there for 30 years.
They contributed little to the emotional weight you carried.
They avoided responsibility.
And now, faced with the mortality of a loved one and the potential for financial inheritance, they swoop in—while calling you the scavenger.
It’s not irony. It’s gaslighting.
Financial Abuse Doesn’t End With the Relationship
Many survivors of domestic abuse experience financial abuse as part of the control tactics used against them: restricted access to money, being cut off after separation, manipulated into relinquishing rights to assets, or shamed for pursuing what they are owed.
You’re not begging. You’re not clinging.
You’re surviving without help.
You’re rebuilding.
You’ve never asked for more than what’s fair.
But that integrity—your independence, your refusal to grovel—is threatening to those who expect you to crumble. They can’t understand how you continue to stand without the very thing they cling to: money.
The Grief Hustlers: When Estranged Relatives Reappear
Sadly, when illness or death enters the picture, unresolved family dynamics often surface in ugly ways. Estranged children, long-absent siblings, or former in-laws may suddenly reappear—not out of love or reconciliation—but in pursuit of assets. These “grief hustlers” push for quick house sales, rapid financial divisions, and throw around words like “greed” and “entitlement” at anyone who gets in their way.
They haven’t shown care in 30 years.
They haven’t witnessed the hardship or the healing.
They haven’t supported the emotional cost of separation.
But now? Now they want the keys.
Reclaiming the Narrative
Here’s the truth: asking for your fair share is not a crime.
Wanting closure, clarity, or legal resolution is not cruelty.
And continuing to live with dignity, peace, and independence—despite lies and manipulation—is not selfishness.
It is resilience.
In therapy, we talk about boundaries, about reclaiming your voice, about stepping out from under the fog of coercive control. But we also talk about grief. The grief of being misunderstood, accused, or silenced by people who never knew—or cared to know—your truth.
A Note to Anyone Facing the Same
If you’re being accused of being a vulture for standing up for yourself, please know:
- You’re not alone.
- You don’t need to shrink to make others comfortable.
- You have a right to your part, your truth, your healing.
Let them circle. Let them hiss.
You’ll be too busy building a life worth living.
If you’re navigating a toxic breakup, inheritance conflict, or financial gaslighting from family or ex-partners, we offer therapy and support rooted in trauma-informed care and emotional justice. Reach out. We’re here to help you reclaim your power, find clarity, and walk through this with grace.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
