By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
“The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves.”
This powerful statement touches a universal human truth—one that echoes deeply in psychology, healing, and the way we relate to ourselves and others. When we lie to others, it’s often because we’ve already lied to ourselves. But when we speak the truth to someone else, it’s a sign—a confirmation—that we’ve dared to face our own truth first.
So why do we deceive ourselves?
In psychology, self-deception often stems from a desire to avoid pain. It’s a protective mechanism. The mind, brilliant as it is, tries to shield us from discomfort, shame, or fear by distorting reality. We may tell ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” or “I can fix this,” or even, “It’s my fault,” just to survive emotionally. Especially in trauma bonds or emotionally abusive relationships, self-deception becomes a means of coping—because the full truth feels too overwhelming to bear.
But this comes at a cost.
When we aren’t honest with ourselves, we lose our inner compass. We may compromise our boundaries, suppress our feelings, and allow toxic patterns to continue unchecked. And eventually, that inner misalignment spills outward: we mislead others, even if unintentionally. We say we’re fine when we’re not. We stay silent when we should speak. We protect the abuser and betray the truth.
Honesty Is a Healing Act
Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth—it’s about living the truth. And that starts within. When we courageously look at our own lives without distortion or denial, we begin to reclaim our power. We begin to heal.
Telling the truth to another person—especially after years of silencing ourselves—is an act of self-love. It says: “I value myself enough to no longer live in confusion. I’m choosing clarity. I’m choosing freedom.”
And for many, this moment comes quietly. Not in a dramatic confrontation, but in a whisper of self-awareness. That subtle yet powerful shift when you say, “This is not okay anymore.” Or “This is who I really am.”
The Spiritual Thread
Whether you believe in God, the universe, or the wisdom of your own soul—there is something profoundly spiritual about aligning your inner truth with your outer expression. It’s as if the deeper parts of you finally come into harmony. Integrity is born. And with it, peace.
When we’re honest with ourselves, and we speak that truth gently but clearly to others, we stand in our wholeness. We are no longer fragmented or pretending. We show up in our relationships with authenticity. And while that might ruffle feathers or disappoint people who preferred the “masked” version of us—it will always attract those who are ready to meet us where we truly are.
In Practice: Steps Toward Radical Honesty
- Start with Curiosity: Ask yourself, What truth have I been avoiding?
- Compassion Over Judgment: Recognize that you deceived yourself not out of weakness, but out of a need for protection. Now, you are safe enough to face it.
- Speak Your Truth in Safe Spaces: Share with a therapist, trusted friend, or even journal your uncensored thoughts. Truth needs witnesses, even if the first one is just you.
- Let Go of Who You Had to Be: Many of us wear personas to survive. Part of honesty is releasing the roles that no longer serve your truth.
- Notice the Liberation: With each honest conversation, notice how your nervous system relaxes. How your body softens. Truth has a way of setting not just the mind—but the whole being—free.
🕊️ Final Thought:
Healing often begins the moment we stop lying to ourselves. And it accelerates the moment we speak our truth aloud. So if you’ve been feeling the nudge to be more honest—with yourself, with others, with your past—it might be your soul calling you home.
You don’t need to be perfect to tell the truth. You just need to be brave enough to begin.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
