Abusers often escalate their manipulative tactics before a court case, trying to sway public opinion, gain sympathy, and isolate the victim. This is a classic pattern—right before legal consequences or exposure, they scramble to control the narrative.
Here’s what’s happening and how to handle it.
Why Abusers Ramp It Up Before Court
1. Damage Control: They Need to Protect Their Image
Abusers hate losing control, and court cases expose them. They know their past actions might be revealed, so they go into full-blown PR mode to shape how others see them.
🔹 They play the victim, saying “I don’t deserve this!”
🔹 They paint the real victim as unstable, bitter, or lying.
🔹 They seek sympathy and support from mutual friends, family, and even strangers.
They don’t care about the truth—only about winning in the court of public opinion.
2. Gathering Allies: Turning People Against You
Abusers know the more people they can get on their side, the more pressure they can put on you. So, they work behind the scenes to poison your support system.
🔹 Love-Bombing Mutual Friends – Suddenly, they’re charming and kind to people they ignored before.
🔹 Playing the “Poor Me” Card – “I don’t understand why she’s doing this to me.”
🔹 Spreading Lies – They tell exaggerated or false stories to make you look like the aggressor.
👉 Why? If they convince others you’re the problem, they can discredit your claims in court and weaken your support system.
3. Intimidation: Trying to Make You Give Up
If manipulation doesn’t work, they might shift to intimidation tactics.
🔹 Fake Conciliation – Pretending to “make peace” so you drop the case.
🔹 Threats or Harassment – Either directly or through flying monkeys (people they manipulate into acting on their behalf).
🔹 Sudden Legal Counterattacks – They might try to flip the script by accusing you of wrongdoing.
👉 The Goal? To exhaust you mentally and emotionally so you give up before court.
4. Fake Self-Improvement: Acting Like They’ve Changed
If they’ve been abusive for years, they know they can’t erase the past. So, they try to rewrite the present.
🔹 Pretending to be a “changed person” – Suddenly, they’re apologetic, self-aware, and “working on themselves.”
🔹 Public Displays of Kindness – Posting about charity work, therapy, or personal growth.
🔹 Using Religion or Sobriety – Claiming newfound faith or quitting drinking just in time for court.
👉 The Goal? To confuse the judge, mutual friends, and even you into believing they’re not that bad.
How to Handle It
1. Don’t Engage in Their Drama
🔹 Stay silent on social media—don’t feed their narrative.
🔹 Let your lawyer handle communication.
🔹 The less reactive you are, the more their manipulation looks obvious.
2. Keep Receipts: Document Everything
🔹 Screenshots of manipulative messages
🔹 Record changes in their behavior (love-bombing, intimidation, fake remorse)
🔹 Keep track of their attempts to sway mutual friends
👉 Why? Judges see through patterns. If they’re suddenly a saint before court, while months ago they were abusive, it looks suspicious.
3. Strengthen Your Support System
🔹 Warn close friends about the abuser’s tactics.
🔹 Avoid defending yourself to people they’ve won over—you don’t need to explain the truth to those who refuse to see it.
🔹 Surround yourself with allies who genuinely have your back.
4. Focus on the Bigger Picture: The Court Case
It’s easy to get caught up in their antics, but stay focused on the real battle—proving your case in court.
🔹 Let the evidence do the talking.
🔹 Don’t get emotional over their smear campaign.
🔹 Stay strong—this is their last attempt at control.
Final Thoughts
Abusers ramp up manipulation before court because they know they’re losing control. But no matter how hard they try to rewrite the past, facts, evidence, and the truth will always stand.
Stay grounded, keep your focus, and remember: Their desperate tactics prove that they know they’re in the wrong.
