We’ve all encountered them—those individuals who are so wrapped up in their own narratives that they fail to acknowledge or reciprocate genuine care, love, or empathy. No matter what’s happening in your life, they always manage to redirect the focus back to themselves. When you need support, they’re either absent or use the moment to emphasize their own struggles. So, why do some people operate this way? What’s going on in their minds that prevents them from being present for others?
Let’s break down the psychological and emotional factors at play.
1. The “Victim Mentality” – A Self-Perpetuating Loop
A victim mentality is a psychological state where a person sees themselves as constantly wronged, persecuted, or at the mercy of life’s injustices. While actual victims of abuse and hardship go through real suffering, a chronic victim mindset is different—it’s a mental and emotional framework where someone continuously sees themselves as powerless, blameless, and deserving of endless sympathy.
🔹 Why do people adopt this mindset?
- It provides external blame for their problems, allowing them to avoid responsibility.
- It brings attention and validation from others.
- It enables emotional manipulation, making people feel guilty for not prioritizing them.
- It prevents self-reflection, keeping them stuck in a cycle of complaining rather than changing.
Someone with this mindset rarely, if ever, checks in on others because, in their world, your pain does not exist unless it directly affects them.
2. Narcissistic Traits and Self-Absorption
Not all self-absorbed people are full-blown narcissists, but many exhibit narcissistic tendencies, particularly low empathy and emotional unavailability.
🔹 Signs of this behavior:
- Conversations always loop back to them.
- They struggle to celebrate others’ successes unless it benefits them.
- They expect your emotional labor but don’t reciprocate it.
- They avoid responsibility by playing the victim or blaming others.
Some of this stems from deep insecurity. Narcissistic individuals may actually lack self-worth, but instead of facing it, they create a false self-image where they are either the hero or the victim—never the problem.
3. Emotional Immaturity – Stunted Growth in Empathy
Empathy is a skill that develops through emotional maturity and self-awareness. Some people, however, never outgrow their childlike need for constant reassurance and validation. This emotional immaturity makes it difficult for them to form mutually supportive relationships.
🔹 What keeps them emotionally stunted?
- Entitlement: Believing their emotions matter more than anyone else’s.
- Lack of accountability: Never being forced to reflect on their actions.
- Fear of discomfort: Avoiding hard conversations, so they escape into self-pity instead.
If someone was raised in an environment where they were constantly coddled or never had to consider others’ needs, they might struggle to develop real emotional depth.
4. The “Survival Mode” Excuse – When People Only Care About Themselves
Some people justify their self-centered behavior by claiming they’re in “survival mode”, where they are too overwhelmed to think about others. While this may be understandable in short-term crises, some individuals live permanently in this state—always in “emergency mode” and expecting the world to cater to them.
🔹 The problem with this mindset:
- It creates one-sided relationships where only their struggles matter.
- It devalues others’ experiences, making them seem insignificant.
- It becomes a manipulative tool, subtly coercing people into constantly accommodating them.
You may try to be patient and understanding, but if someone is always in “survival mode” without ever reciprocating kindness, then they’re just using it as an excuse for emotional selfishness.
5. Lack of Genuine Love & Care – The Absence of Real Connection
At its core, real love and empathy require effort. The people who never ask how you, your family, or even your dog are doing? They aren’t truly invested in you beyond what you provide for them.
🔹 Why don’t they show love?
- They see relationships as transactional, not emotional.
- They only invest in people when they need something.
- They lack emotional bandwidth for others because they are too consumed with themselves.
This kind of person will never truly be there for you, no matter how much you give. They may even claim they care, but their actions (or lack thereof) say otherwise.
So, What Can You Do About It?
1️⃣ Recognize the pattern – Don’t make excuses for them. If they always act this way, it’s who they are.
2️⃣ Set boundaries – Stop giving them emotional energy if they never return the favor.
3️⃣ Stop expecting change – Some people are stuck in their ways, and waiting for them to “wake up” will only drain you.
4️⃣ Prioritize people who reciprocate – Real relationships are built on mutual care and effort. Invest in those who check in on you, ask how your family is, and genuinely listen.
5️⃣ Protect your peace – Let go of the emotional burden of trying to “fix” people who refuse to grow.
Final Thoughts
It’s painful when people you’ve cared for show no genuine interest in you, your life, or even something as simple as your dog’s well-being. It’s frustrating to see people constantly play the victim while refusing to acknowledge your struggles. But the truth is—you can’t control how self-absorbed people behave.
What you can control is your reaction. Stop giving your time and emotional energy to those who take without giving back. You deserve relationships that are built on mutual respect, love, and empathy—not one-sided emotional labor.
Let them stay in their little self-centered world. You have far better things ahead. ❤️
