Claiming to Still Love Someone as a Cover for Abuse: The Manipulation Behind False Affection

When an abusive person tells friends and family that they still love their former partner, it often serves as a calculated tactic rather than a genuine expression of care. They use these declarations not to show real love but to manipulate public perception, gain sympathy, and position themselves as the victim—all while continuing their toxic behaviors in the background.

This is not love. This is control.

The False Narrative of ‘Still Loving’ Someone

Many abusive individuals refuse to let go of their former partners, not because of genuine love, but because of a need for dominance. By publicly professing undying love, they attempt to:

1. Gain Sympathy – Painting themselves as the heartbroken victim to deflect attention from their actions.
2. Discredit the Victim – Making the abused person seem cold, unforgiving, or unreasonable for moving on.
3. Maintain a Connection – Keeping a door open for potential manipulation by making the victim feel guilty.
4. Look Like the ‘Good Guy’ – Ensuring others see them as loving and devoted, rather than abusive and controlling.
5. Cover Up Ongoing Abuse – Distracting from continued harassment, stalking, or financial control by appearing loving and remorseful.

When ‘Love’ is Really Just Manipulation

Love is not about control, punishment, or public perception. If someone claims to love their ex while still engaging in stalking, harassment, or financial abuse, their words are meaningless. Here are key signs that their “love” is just a manipulation tactic:

1. They Are Still Stalking or Harassing the Person

• Real love respects boundaries.
• If they are still watching the victim’s social media, showing up uninvited, or sending unwanted messages, their declarations of love are nothing more than an excuse to maintain control.

2. They Are Still Engaging in Financial Abuse

• If they refuse to split assets fairly, withhold money, or sabotage their ex’s financial independence, they are not acting out of love.
• Financial control is a common tool of abusers who refuse to let go, using money as a leash to keep the victim tied to them.

3. They Play the Victim While Attacking the Real Victim

• They tell mutual friends, family, or even social media how much they still love their ex, yet in private, they continue to engage in cruel behavior.
• This double life is a sign that their “love” is just another tool for manipulation.

4. They Try to Turn Others Against the Victim

• Spreading false narratives about the breakup while claiming to still love the person is an attempt to damage the victim’s reputation.
• True love does not seek revenge through social circles.

5. They Refuse to Move On

• Someone who has truly loved and lost will accept the other person’s decision to leave and focus on their own healing.
• If they are still obsessing over their ex, interfering in their life, or trying to make them feel guilty for leaving, it is about control, not love.

Examples of False Love as a Manipulation Tactic

Example 1: The ‘Devoted’ Ex Who Won’t Let Go

Lisa left her toxic relationship with David due to his emotional abuse and controlling behavior. While David told everyone how much he still loved Lisa and wished she would come back, he continued to stalk her, interfere with her job, and send manipulative messages to her friends. His claims of love were a smokescreen to hide his ongoing abuse.

Example 2: The Financially Abusive Ex Who ‘Cares’

James told his family he still loved his ex-wife, Sarah, even after she filed for divorce due to his financial control. However, he refused to release shared assets, deliberately delayed court proceedings, and tried to leave her in financial distress. His “love” was nothing more than a strategy to keep power over her life.

Example 3: The Ex Who Uses ‘Love’ to Guilt-Trip

After breaking up with her manipulative boyfriend, Rachel found that he was telling mutual friends that he still loved her and didn’t understand why she left. Meanwhile, he was spreading rumors about her, turning people against her, and trying to make her feel guilty for moving on. His so-called love was just another form of emotional manipulation.

What Real Love Looks Like

Real love does not require manipulation, control, or sympathy from others. A person who truly loves another will:

• Respect Boundaries – They will accept the end of the relationship and allow their ex to move on peacefully.
• Take Responsibility – They will acknowledge any mistakes they made without playing the victim or blaming their ex.
• Seek Help and Heal – Instead of obsessing over their ex, they will focus on self-growth and personal healing.
• Move Forward with Dignity – They will understand that love sometimes means letting go and allowing the other person to be happy.

Final Thoughts

If someone claims to still love their ex while continuing toxic behaviors such as stalking, harassment, or financial abuse, they have not changed. Their words are simply a performance to manipulate others into believing they are the victim. True love is about respect, not control. Actions will always reveal the truth—no matter how many times they say, “But I still love them.”