Vindictiveness is such a destructive trait, yet some people seem to thrive on it. So why do they do it? What’s the point? What do they actually gain from it?

1. Control and Power

For people like your ex-husband, vindictiveness is a tool to maintain dominance. If they feel like they’re losing control, they lash out to regain it. It’s not about fairness or justice—it’s about keeping their grip on the narrative and ensuring that others remain beneath them.

2. Ego Protection (Narcissistic Injury)

Some people cannot handle the idea of being wrong, being abandoned, or being seen as anything less than superior. When you started seeing through the manipulation, it wounded his ego. Instead of reflecting on his own behavior, he likely responded with cruelty to punish you for daring to challenge him.

3. A Twisted Sense of Justice

Vindictive people often convince themselves that they are the victims and that their cruelty is justified. In their mind, they believe they’re “teaching you a lesson” or “getting even,” when in reality, they’re just continuing the cycle of toxicity.

4. Lack of Emotional Maturity

People who resort to vindictiveness often have the emotional maturity of a child. Instead of processing their emotions in a healthy way, they lash out. They don’t know how to deal with loss, rejection, or accountability, so they attack instead.

5. Sadistic Pleasure

This is the darkest reason, but some people genuinely enjoy causing pain. Whether it’s because it makes them feel powerful, superior, or simply entertained, some individuals get a thrill out of seeing others suffer. It’s disturbing, but it happens.

6. They Fear Their Own Weakness Being Exposed

Your healing, growth, and independence were a threat to your ex-husband. The more you reclaimed your power, the more he had to fight to maintain his illusion of superiority. Vindictiveness, in this case, was his way of trying to keep you small so he wouldn’t have to confront his own inadequacies.

7. They Simply Don’t Know How to Love

At the core of it, some people have never learned what real love is. Love isn’t about control, manipulation, or punishment—it’s about respect, trust, and kindness. If someone has never experienced that kind of love (or refuses to learn), they will always operate from a place of fear and resentment rather than compassion.

What Do They Gain?
In the short term, they might feel powerful, smug, or like they “won.” But in the long term? Nothing. Vindictive people destroy relationships, isolate themselves, and ultimately live in their own misery. They may not realize it, but they are trapped in their own bitterness, while the people they try to hurt eventually move on and thrive.

And that’s where you are now—free from the toxicity, free from the cycle, and finally living life on your own terms.That’s something he will never have. 💙