Divorces are challenging enough on their own, but when family members start playing mind games, it can feel like a betrayal at the worst possible time. When people close to you say one thing and later deny it, it’s deeply unsettling, especially during a period when you’re already dealing with emotional and logistical stress.

What Might Be Happening

1. Divided Loyalties: Family members may feel torn between you and your spouse, leading them to say what they think you want to hear in the moment, only to deny it later out of fear of upsetting the other party.
2. Control or Manipulation: Some families use emotional manipulation to influence the outcome of a divorce, either to assert control or to serve their own interests.
3. Avoidance of Conflict: Instead of being honest, some family members may agree with you in private but then backpedal in public to avoid confrontation or taking sides.
4. Projection of Their Issues: Sometimes, family dynamics during a divorce stir up unresolved conflicts or insecurities in other family members, causing them to act inconsistently.

How to Cope and Protect Yourself

1. Trust Your Instincts
   Divorce is a time when clarity is key. If you feel like your family is playing games or being inconsistent, trust your gut. Their behavior reflects on them, not you.
2. Document Conversations
   Write down important discussions or follow up in writing (e.g., texts, emails). For instance, you could send a message like, “Just to confirm, this is what we agreed on earlier,” to create a record.
3. Set Boundaries
   If their actions are causing harm or confusion, establish firm boundaries. You could say, “I’m going through a lot right now and need consistency. If that’s not possible, I’ll need some space.”
4. Limit Expectations
   Understand that not all family members will react the way you hope. This realization can help you detach emotionally from their behavior.
5. Call Out Inconsistencies
   If someone says one thing and denies it later, calmly bring it up:
   “I remember our conversation differently. Let’s clarify what was said so there’s no confusion moving forward.”
   This approach avoids accusations but holds them accountable.
6. Focus on Your Support System
   Surround yourself with people who are genuinely supportive, whether that’s friends, a therapist, or others outside the family dynamic.
7. Keep the Bigger Picture in Mind
   Your ultimate goal is to come out of this divorce in a healthier, stronger place. Family drama is a distraction, but it doesn’t have to derail you. Stay focused on your well-being and the practical steps of your divorce.

Remember:

You’ve been through hard situations before, and you’ve come out stronger. This is just another storm to weather, and you’re more than capable of navigating it. Keep your peace of mind as your priority—your healing and future happiness depend on it.