Dealing with a classic example of emotional manipulation or “gaslighting” within the family dynamic. Being told one thing—perhaps in private, to gain your trust or compliance—only to have it denied or contradicted later, is not only confusing but deeply invalidating. This kind of behavior can leave you questioning your own memory or perceptions, and it’s incredibly frustrating and hurtful, especially when it comes from people who are supposed to provide love and support.

Here’s what might be happening in such situations:

1. Projection or Deflection: Some family members may struggle to take accountability for their actions or words. They may shift blame or deny previous statements to avoid confrontation or guilt.
2. Gaslighting: This is a deliberate tactic to make you doubt your reality or feelings, often used to maintain control or power in relationships.
3. Inconsistency as a Tool: Saying one thing and then denying it later might be a way to keep you off balance and unsure of yourself, which can reinforce dependency on them or weaken your confidence.
4. Fear of Confrontation: Some family members may backtrack on their words when they’re faced with the potential fallout, especially in group settings.

How to Handle This:

1. Document Conversations: Keep track of important discussions, even if it’s just for your own peace of mind. Writing things down or following up with a message like, “Just to clarify, this is what we discussed…” can help maintain clarity.
2. Set Boundaries: If a family member consistently engages in this behavior, it’s okay to create some emotional distance to protect your mental health.
3. Trust Yourself: If you feel like what’s happening isn’t aligning with reality, trust your instincts. You’ve worked hard to regain clarity and confidence—don’t let their tactics undo that.
4. Seek Support: A trusted friend, therapist, or support group can help validate your feelings and provide strategies for managing these situations.
5. Call It Out: If you feel comfortable, calmly but firmly point out the inconsistency when it happens. For example, “That’s not what we discussed earlier. I remember it differently. Could you explain why this has changed?”

It’s exhausting when the people who are supposed to uplift you engage in these behaviors, but you’ve already proven how strong and resilient you are. Reclaiming your narrative and standing firm in your truth will continue to help you navigate these tricky dynamics.