The behavior you described reflects deep emotional dysfunction and traits that could align with various psychological issues, though it’s essential to acknowledge that only a professional assessment can determine a person’s underlying condition or motivations. Here are some possibilities to consider:
1. Narcissistic Traits or Personality Disorder
- The need for control, lack of empathy, and disregard for your emotional needs suggest narcissistic tendencies. Narcissistic individuals often seek to dominate relationships, dismiss others’ feelings, and prioritize their desires over their partner’s well-being.
- The cycle of emotional withdrawal, followed by a “reset” without acknowledging the harm caused, is a form of manipulation often associated with narcissistic behavior.
2. Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting
- This person may rely on tactics such as stonewalling (ignoring or refusing to engage) and gaslighting (making you question your reality) to maintain power and control in the relationship. These behaviors erode self-esteem and create dependency.
- Destroying your external support system is a hallmark of abusers who wish to isolate their partners, ensuring total control over their emotions and perceptions.
3. Control and Financial Abuse
- Requiring justification for your purchases while freely spending on their desires demonstrates financial control—a form of abuse designed to limit your autonomy.
- This imbalance creates a dynamic where you are forced to depend on them, reinforcing their power in the relationship.
4. Possibly Undiagnosed Mental Health Issues
- It’s possible this person struggles with untreated mental health conditions, such as depression, unresolved trauma, or attachment issues, which might contribute to their inability to process emotions or engage in healthy communication. However, these are never excuses for abusive behavior.
5. An Inherent Lack of Accountability
- Refusing to address problems or acknowledge harm is a sign of someone who is unwilling to grow or take responsibility for their actions. This lack of accountability perpetuates the cycle of abuse, leaving you to bear the emotional burden.
Why People Behave This Way:
- Insecurity and Fear of Vulnerability: Their controlling behavior might stem from a deep-seated fear of losing power or being vulnerable, causing them to lash out or withdraw as a defense mechanism.
- Entitlement and Lack of Empathy: They may genuinely believe they are entitled to prioritize their needs over others, lacking the emotional capacity to empathize with your pain.
- Learned Behavior: If they grew up witnessing similar dynamics, they may unconsciously replicate them, seeing such behavior as normal or acceptable.
Final Thought:
Regardless of the root causes, their actions are abusive and harmful. What matters most is that you recognize that this behavior is not a reflection of your worth. You deserved love, kindness, and respect—and none of this was your fault.
