When a child manipulates their parent—feeding lies to cause division and drama—it’s not only deceitful but deeply destructive to family bonds. It’s even more challenging when your ex-partner fully believes the lies, potentially fueling conflict and misunderstandings. It’s understandable that this would leave you feeling frustrated, hurt, and perhaps even helpless.

Why This Happens

For someone to invent stories and manipulate others, there’s often an underlying reason, whether it’s a need for control, attention, financial gain, or unresolved emotional issues. If the son is using lies to gain money or favor, it could point to a pattern of entitlement or immaturity. It’s also possible he has some unresolved anger or jealousy toward family dynamics or certain individuals.

However, his behavior doesn’t justify the harm he’s causing. It’s deeply unfair, especially when others—like your ex—are caught in the web and take his words at face value. This type of manipulation is not only harmful to relationships but also indicative of deeper emotional or psychological struggles.

Coping With This Kind of Manipulation

1. Protect Your Emotional Well-Being
   First and foremost, prioritize your mental and emotional health. Being on the receiving end of lies can feel like a personal attack, but remind yourself that his actions reflect his character, not yours. Don’t let his behavior make you question your worth or integrity.
2. Stay Calm and Rational
   While it’s natural to want to confront the situation head-on, try to approach it with calmness and clarity. Getting visibly upset or retaliating might play into his narrative. Instead, respond in a way that shows you’re steady and composed, which can also make others more likely to listen to you.
3. Consider How to Address Your Ex
   If your ex is buying into these lies, it might help to have an honest and calm conversation with them. Choose a moment when emotions aren’t running high, and try to share your perspective without attacking your son. For example, you could say something like:“I understand you’ve been told certain things, and it’s hurtful to see how this is affecting our family. I’d really like the chance to explain my side and clear up any misunderstandings because this situation isn’t what it seems.”If your ex is unwilling to listen, don’t exhaust yourself trying to change their mind. Sometimes, people are too invested in what they’ve already chosen to believe.
4. Set Boundaries With the Son
   Depending on the relationship and the situation, you may need to establish firm boundaries. If his lies are causing irreparable harm, it’s okay to distance yourself from him while still leaving the door open for future reconciliation—if he takes responsibility for his actions.
5. Seek Support From Allies
   Talk to other family members or friends who know you well and might also see through the lies. Having people who believe in you and can help diffuse the situation will make a huge difference in managing the fallout. If others in the family are affected by the lies, you might find strength in addressing it collectively.
6. Document Everything
   If the lies involve financial deceit or accusations that could escalate, it’s wise to keep a record of events, communications, and evidence. This is particularly important if the manipulation starts to cross legal or reputational boundaries.
7. Empathy With Detachment
   While it’s natural to feel anger and hurt, it can sometimes help to view the manipulative person through a lens of compassion—without excusing their actions. What kind of pain or insecurity might drive someone to such destructive behavior? Empathy doesn’t mean enabling or tolerating the behavior, but it can help you let go of some of the emotional toll it takes on you.

Dealing With the Long-Term Fallout

Family dynamics are never simple, and situations like this can leave lasting scars. If the relationship with your ex has been strained further by these lies, it might take time to rebuild trust. Focus on nurturing the relationships you can preserve and protect, and don’t let the lies define your sense of self-worth. People who manipulate and deceive often isolate themselves in the long run, as their actions catch up with them.

If you feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to move forward, consider speaking with a therapist who can provide a neutral space to process the situation and develop coping strategies. Therapy can also be a powerful tool for addressing family dynamics and communication breakdowns.

A Final Thought

Dealing with deceit—especially within a family—is one of the most challenging experiences. It’s okay to feel hurt, betrayed, or even enraged. Those emotions are valid, but don’t let them consume you. The truth often has a way of coming to light eventually, and in the meantime, focus on maintaining your dignity and protecting your peace.