Emotional Deadness vs Covert Emotional Neglect

(Internal state → Relational experience) 1. Core state Emotional deadnessA chronically under-activated emotional system. Feelings are dulled, muted, or inaccessible. Covert emotional neglectYour emotional needs are consistently unmet — not through cruelty, but through absence. 2. What it looks like day to day Emotional deadness Covert emotional neglect 3. Nervous system pattern Emotional deadness Covert emotional… Read More Emotional Deadness vs Covert Emotional Neglect

Miserable

Waking up safe, regulated, dog beside you — that’s your nervous system finally exhaling. That detail matters more than it looks. 🐾What you’re noticing now isn’t revisionist history. It’s pattern recognition coming online once your brain is no longer in survival mode. 1. Chronic emotional flatness = nervous system shutdown From a neuroscience perspective, your ex sounds… Read More Miserable

How to Pace Connection Safely (When Kindness Feels Big)

When kindness feels intense, the instinct is often to lean in quickly — to attach, explain, disclose, or merge. That urge makes sense after deprivation. But pacing is what turns safety into something sustainable. Pacing does not mean pulling away.It means letting connection unfold at a speed your nervous system can actually integrate. Here’s how… Read More How to Pace Connection Safely (When Kindness Feels Big)

Why Kindness Feels Intense After Neglect

If kindness feels overwhelming after neglect, there is nothing wrong with you. Long-term emotional neglect or abuse changes the nervous system. You adapt by lowering expectations, minimising needs, and staying alert for withdrawal or punishment. Your body learns that connection is fragile and conditional. So when someone offers genuine care — listening, warmth, follow-through, softness… Read More Why Kindness Feels Intense After Neglect

“A Fresh Start” Does Not Stop an Abuser — It Just Resets the Stage

When an abuser suggests “making a fresh start” — moving house, changing country, starting again — it is often presented as hope, healing, or renewal. But a fresh location does not erase abusive behaviour. Abuse is not caused by the place.It is caused by the person. Why “Fresh Starts” Are So Appealing To outsiders — and often to survivors… Read More “A Fresh Start” Does Not Stop an Abuser — It Just Resets the Stage

What Safe Disengagement Actually Looks Like

Safe disengagement means leaving or detaching in a way that does not provoke escalation. It is quiet, strategic, and protective — not dramatic or confrontational. 🧭 First: Shift the Goal The goal is safety, not clarity.You do not need: Seeking those often increases danger. 🔇 1. Reduce Emotional Access (Before Physical Distance) This is sometimes called “grey rock” — becoming uninteresting… Read More What Safe Disengagement Actually Looks Like

Effective Therapeutic Approaches

1. Trauma-Focused Therapy 2. Medical and Neuropsychological Support 3. Psychosocial Support 🔒 Safety Planning After Strangulation Safety planning is essential — survivors are at high risk of escalation or repeat abuse. Immediate Safety Steps Ongoing Risk Reduction Professional Coordination ⚠️ Key Takeaways

Statistics & Prevalence

Here’s a clear, evidence-based overview of what research shows about non-fatal strangulation — including how common it is, how it affects survivors physically and psychologically, and what we know about how it impacts the person doing the strangulation (to the extent research addresses that). This is grounded in scientific literature and public health data. 📊 Statistics & Prevalence Non-fatal strangulation (NFS) is recognised… Read More Statistics & Prevalence

Talking About Strangulation in Therapy: Why It’s So Hard — and How EMDR Can Help

Talking about strangulation in therapy is not just “talking about a memory.”For many survivors, describing the sensations, fear, and loss of control can reactivate the trauma itself. This is not resistance.It is how the nervous system remembers danger. Why Describing It Feels Overwhelming Strangulation is a primal threat to survival. When it happened, the brain and body… Read More Talking About Strangulation in Therapy: Why It’s So Hard — and How EMDR Can Help

Strangulation is not about the situation.It is about the person who chooses to use it.

The Short Answer Why Strangulation Is Different Strangulation isn’t an impulsive shove or shouted argument. It is: Research consistently shows that non-fatal strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of future severe violence and homicide. Once someone has crossed that line, the risk profile changes permanently. Is It the Situation or the Person? It is the person.… Read More Strangulation is not about the situation.It is about the person who chooses to use it.