When a family knowingly supports an abuser despite witnessing harmful behavior in the past, it can feel profoundly unjust and deeply painful. This situation is further complicated when their motivations—like financial gain—are involved, and the abuser is now in ill health. It’s a complex web of denial, self-interest, and enabling that leaves the actual victim feeling isolated and invalidated.… Read More Why the Family May Support the Abuser
Patterns of Enabling: Families who believed the abuser in the past may be conditioned to see them in a certain light. It could stem from loyalty, denial, or a refusal to face uncomfortable truths.
The Power of Manipulation: Abusers often excel at manipulating those closest to them, crafting stories that fit the audience’s emotional vulnerabilities or preconceived notions.
Cultural or Familial Norms: In some families, protecting the image of one of their own might take precedence over seeking truth, especially if the family values loyalty or appearances over accountability.… Read More Why Abusers Play the Victim
As I step into 2025, I’m making a promise to myself: never again will I let anyone come between me and the people I care about. Abuse thrives on isolation, but healing flourishes in connection. This year is about reclaiming my life, rebuilding relationships, and creating a future rooted in love and trust.
To everyone reading this: Happy Christmas. Know that you are loved more than you may ever realize. To those who have stood by me, I hope you understand just how much your presence has meant to me. You’ve given me hope, strength, and the courage to move forward, and for that, I am endlessly grateful.
Here’s to a new year of love, healing, and happiness. Together, we will make 2025 a year of joy and connection. With all my heart, thank you.
Love,
Linda – Always By Your Side… Read More A Heartfelt Thank You: To Those Who Believed in Me and Stood By My Side
Imagine a special occasion—your birthday or Christmas—a day that should be filled with love and connection. Instead, it becomes a day of hurt, orchestrated not by bad luck but by the deliberate actions of someone who claims to care for you. They take the cards meant for you, gifts and messages sent by those who hold you dear, and hide them. They delight in telling you that no one remembered your birthday or that you don’t have real friends. And when external circumstances, like a postal strike, offer a convenient excuse, they wield it to amplify the lie that you are forgotten, unloved, and unworthy.
What kind of person does this? Is it a sign of mental illness or pure vindictiveness? The answer is complex, but at its core, such behavior reflects a deeply troubling need for control and domination.… Read More The Cruelty of Stealing Joy: When Cards and Kindness Are Taken Away
Shame as a Weapon: Abusers or enablers often use shame to silence victims, framing them as weak, dramatic, or ungrateful. This tactic not only invalidates the victim’s feelings but also discourages others from questioning the status quo.
Shame-Induced Compliance: Victims and bystanders alike may internalize shame, leading them to stay silent or even defend the abusive system.… Read More Normalising Abuse
Loyalty to the Abuser: Family dynamics can run deep, and many family members feel a sense of obligation to defend their relative, no matter how wrong their behavior is.
Shared Beliefs or Toxic Patterns: In some cases, the family may share the same toxic values or behaviors as the abuser, normalizing or excusing their actions.
Denial or Fear: The family might not want to face the truth about the abuser’s actions because it’s uncomfortable or reflects poorly on them. Others may fear becoming the target of the abuser’s wrath themselves.
Manipulation: Just as the abuser manipulates you, they may also manipulate their family, painting you as the problem or convincing them of lies to justify their behavior.
Lack of Empathy: Unfortunately, some people simply lack the empathy or courage to intervene, even when they know something is wrong.… Read More Why the Abuser’s Family May Not Support You
Ultimately, while the abuser may seem to get away with it for years, their facade is unsustainable. The day they’re exposed can be a moment of empowerment not just for the victim, but for everyone who stood by them in solidarity and believed in the importance of justice. When the day of reckoning comes, it’s not just justice for the victims—it’s a validation of their experiences and a step toward healing. It’s a powerful reminder that truth has a way of surfacing, no matter how long it takes. For the abuser, exposure often brings consequences they’ve long avoided, whether through legal action, loss of support from their enablers, or a broader social reckoning.… Read More “The truth always comes out.”
For most men, the thought of abusing someone they care about is incomprehensible because love, protection, and mutual respect are fundamental to healthy relationships. Many feel an instinctive drive to stand against such behavior, seeing it as not only immoral but also a betrayal of trust and humanity.
This disgust also stems from an understanding of how abuse affects victims. The trauma it causes can ripple through every part of a person’s life, undermining their sense of safety, self-worth, and mental well-being. Most men, when confronted with these realities, feel anger toward perpetrators and empathy for victims.… Read More Disgust and Outrage
Reframing What You Miss
If you find yourself nostalgic or grieving the relationship, remind yourself of this:
You are not missing “love” if it came with abuse.
You are not missing “companionship” if it left you lonely and unheard.
You are not missing “normalcy” if it was defined by chaos and dysfunction.
What you are truly missing is who you are meant to be—strong, confident, peaceful, and whole. You’re not losing anything; you are gaining everything you need to build a beautiful, fulfilling life.… Read More What Are You Really Missing? Rediscovering Yourself After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Fear of Confrontation: They lack the courage to face you one-on-one, so they recruit others to do their bidding. It’s easier for them to hide behind a group than stand on their own.
Desire for Control: By building a coalition against you, they aim to manipulate the narrative, making you the scapegoat while solidifying their power within the family.
Avoiding Accountability: By spreading their version of events to others, they deflect responsibility and create an echo chamber where their behavior is validated.
Seeking Validation: They might need others to back them up because they lack confidence in their own stance. By recruiting others, they reassure themselves that they’re “right.”… Read More Bullying and cowards
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 