Abuse is a term that refers to the mistreatment, harm, or infliction of injury on someone, either through physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or other means. Abuse can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, institutions, and broader social settings. It is a serious violation of an individual’s rights and can have profound and lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
Double standard is a common tactic in abusive relationships, and it’s incredibly frustrating and demeaning. When an abuser sets one rule for you and your children or grandchildren, while treating their own family with favoritism or entitlement, they’re creating a dynamic designed to assert control, diminish your worth, and reinforce their power.… Read More Double Standards
Being isolated from family and friends for decades due to an abuser’s manipulation is one of the most devastating forms of control. Abusers deliberately sever these connections to leave their victims dependent, vulnerable, and without a support system. This kind of isolation doesn’t just create loneliness—it erodes a person’s sense of self, making it harder to see a way out or to believe in a world where they are loved and supported.… Read More Isolated from family and friends for decades
This kind of behavior is not love—it’s manipulation, control, and cruelty masquerading as affection. True love nurtures, protects, and uplifts. Abuse, on the other hand, is a deliberate attempt to harm, control, or diminish another person. When abusers claim to “love” their victims while engaging in such destructive behavior, they are distorting the concept of love to justify their actions and maintain power. Abuse is never love, no matter how much the abuser claims otherwise. Love doesn’t hurt, harm, or control—it sets people free. Would you like to explore ways to process these feelings further or redefine what love means to you moving forward?… Read More Why Abusers Claim to Love Their Victims
One of the most heartbreaking realities of abuse: its ability to extend beyond the immediate relationship and sometimes even beyond the abuser’s lifetime. When someone is so deeply manipulative and controlling that their goal is to harm or exploit their victim financially, whether the victim stays or leaves, it highlights the pervasive and calculated nature… Read More Abuse Beyond the Grave
When a family knowingly supports an abuser despite witnessing harmful behavior in the past, it can feel profoundly unjust and deeply painful. This situation is further complicated when their motivations—like financial gain—are involved, and the abuser is now in ill health. It’s a complex web of denial, self-interest, and enabling that leaves the actual victim feeling isolated and invalidated.… Read More Why the Family May Support the Abuser
Patterns of Enabling: Families who believed the abuser in the past may be conditioned to see them in a certain light. It could stem from loyalty, denial, or a refusal to face uncomfortable truths.
The Power of Manipulation: Abusers often excel at manipulating those closest to them, crafting stories that fit the audience’s emotional vulnerabilities or preconceived notions.
Cultural or Familial Norms: In some families, protecting the image of one of their own might take precedence over seeking truth, especially if the family values loyalty or appearances over accountability.… Read More Why Abusers Play the Victim
But then, when the shift happens, it’s like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. That first breath of freedom, of realizing that the abuse no longer defines your present or your future, is transformative. It doesn’t mean the pain or scars disappear overnight—they take time to heal—but it means you’ve made it through. You’ve reached the other side, and that in itself is a testament to your strength and resilience.
It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—relief, gratitude, anger, sadness, even disbelief that you survived it. Healing is a journey, and every step forward is a victory, no matter how small it may feel. What matters is that you’re no longer living in that constant state of survival. There’s space now to rediscover yourself, to rebuild, and to find joy again.… Read More Drowning
Shame as a Weapon: Abusers or enablers often use shame to silence victims, framing them as weak, dramatic, or ungrateful. This tactic not only invalidates the victim’s feelings but also discourages others from questioning the status quo.
Shame-Induced Compliance: Victims and bystanders alike may internalize shame, leading them to stay silent or even defend the abusive system.… Read More Normalising Abuse
Loyalty to the Abuser: Family dynamics can run deep, and many family members feel a sense of obligation to defend their relative, no matter how wrong their behavior is.
Shared Beliefs or Toxic Patterns: In some cases, the family may share the same toxic values or behaviors as the abuser, normalizing or excusing their actions.
Denial or Fear: The family might not want to face the truth about the abuser’s actions because it’s uncomfortable or reflects poorly on them. Others may fear becoming the target of the abuser’s wrath themselves.
Manipulation: Just as the abuser manipulates you, they may also manipulate their family, painting you as the problem or convincing them of lies to justify their behavior.
Lack of Empathy: Unfortunately, some people simply lack the empathy or courage to intervene, even when they know something is wrong.… Read More Why the Abuser’s Family May Not Support You
It’s important to remind yourself that even if it takes time, leaving is possible. Every small step you take—whether it’s gathering resources, seeking support, or even just mentally preparing yourself—is a step toward freedom. The day will come when the right opportunity presents itself, and you’ll be ready to seize it.
If you’ve already started dreaming of a life beyond the abuse, that’s a powerful sign that your inner strength is intact. Hold onto that vision, because it’s what will carry you through. There’s no one-size-fits-all way to escape, but with patience, persistence, and the right support, you will find your way out—and into a life where you’re free to thrive.… Read More Escape route
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 