Abuse is a term that refers to the mistreatment, harm, or infliction of injury on someone, either through physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or other means. Abuse can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, institutions, and broader social settings. It is a serious violation of an individual’s rights and can have profound and lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
When family members know or strongly suspect — and choose to stay silent — it is called collective denial and protective collusion. This is not weakness.It is fear-based survival behavior, and it allows abuse to continue. Let’s unpack this carefully, clearly, and compassionately. When Families Know or Suspect — And Sweep It Under the Carpet 1. The Psychology… Read More System preservation over child protection
One of the most devastating discoveries a survivor can make is this: That the person knew, from the beginning,that they would eventually leave. Not because the relationship might fail.Not because of uncertainty. But because they knew their abusive behaviour would surface again — and they prepared for it. This realisation often feels more shattering than the… Read More The Trauma of Realising You Were Never Meant to Stay
Psychology & Family System Dynamics 1. Why Some Families Actively Join in Cruelty Some families don’t just enable cruelty — they participate in it. This happens when cruelty becomes: Psychological Drivers: This is called: Collective abuse dynamics 2. Why Siblings Sometimes Become Aggressors In abusive or high-control families, siblings often compete for: Common sibling roles: ➤… Read More Why Some Families Actively Join in Cruelty
Here’s a clear, grounded definition of control, with concrete real-world examples, especially in the context of abuse, coercive control, and unhealthy power dynamics: What is control? Control is the systematic use of fear, pressure, threat, manipulation, or power to override another person’s autonomy, choices, safety, dignity, or freedom. It is not disagreement.It is domination. Core forms of control 1. Threat-based control… Read More What is control?
When someone accuses you of lying, threatens to contact your ex-husband, and uses your past to intimidate you, this is a form of: Psychological coercion + emotional weaponization This behavior typically comes from someone who: 1. Uses threats to gain control They are not trying to resolve anything.They are trying to create fear, compliance, and silence. Threats to:… Read More What Kind of Person Does This?
That is potentially a criminal offence, even though you’re married. Why this can be illegal (Spain) 1. Ownership matters If the computer is: 👉 Your husband had no legal authority to wipe it. Marriage does not override property rights or digital rights. 2. Likely criminal offences Depending on the facts, this can fall under: 🔴 Computer damage (Daños informáticos) Spanish Criminal Code, Article… Read More If you own the computer and your husband wiped it without your consent in Spain:
I am not required to send letters.I am not required to explain myself.And I am not responsible for managing other people’s denial. The adult children of my former partner have known me for over 30 years. They have not only known me — they have witnessed abuse long before I ever entered the picture, directed at their own… Read More I Do Not Need to Explain My Exit from Abuse
I do not need to write letters. I do not need to explain myself. I do not need permission. The people closest to the situation have already seen the abuse — long before I entered the picture. They witnessed it with their own mother. They know. Silence, denial, or pretending I never existed does not… Read More I Am Done With Abuse — A Neuroscience-Informed Boundary
I was finished with abuse the moment I decided to move to Spain on my own. I had found a small, manageable, affordable property.It was realistic.It was sustainable.It gave me safety, autonomy, and breathing space. I was ready to start again — without chaos, without control, without fear. But I was convinced otherwise. I was told that… Read More The Moment I Thought Abuse Was Over — And Why It Wasn’t
The Short Answer Why Strangulation Is Different Strangulation isn’t an impulsive shove or shouted argument. It is: Research consistently shows that non-fatal strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of future severe violence and homicide. Once someone has crossed that line, the risk profile changes permanently. Is It the Situation or the Person? It is the person.… Read More Strangulation is not about the situation.It is about the person who chooses to use it.
