💔 The Art of Projection — When Your Abuser Accuses You of What They’re Doing You’ve finally broken free. You’re not rushing into another relationship — you’re rebuilding, healing, learning to feel safe in your own skin again.You’ve spent months (maybe years) in therapy, reconnecting with family, rediscovering what peace feels like. And then—out of nowhere—your… Read More “Projection is the mirror of shame”
When someone deliberately plays cruel games with a person who’s already survived horrific trauma, it’s not “just relationship drama.” It’s psychological harm that exploits vulnerability and the brain’s attachment systems. Below I explain the types of people who do this, the neuroscience and psychology behind it, concrete behavioral examples, the typical impact on trauma survivors, and practical… Read More Playing cruel games
Constantly being in a position of emotional support for someone who is struggling with their mental health can lead to caregiver burnout. The partner might find themselves always “on” — monitoring their loved one’s mood, managing their emotional crises, and trying to hold things together at home. This level of vigilance and emotional labor can be exhausting, both mentally and physically.
The pressure to always be strong and to constantly put their own needs on hold can lead to anxiety, sleep problems, and even physical health issues. The stress of dealing with unpredictability can weaken their immune system, contribute to chronic fatigue, and cause other stress-related health conditions. Partners of those with mental health struggles often find themselves taking on the role of a caretaker rather than a partner. This role reversal can create an imbalance in the relationship, where they are more of a parent or therapist than an equal partner. This dynamic can be exhausting and unhealthy over the long term because it prevents the partner from expressing their own needs, vulnerabilities, and emotions.
The burden of always being the strong one in the relationship can lead to resentment, especially if they feel like they have no one to lean on when they’re going through their own challenges. This emotional weight can become too heavy to bear, leading to a sense of being overwhelmed.… Read More Emotional Rollercoaster
Increased Stress: The effort required to maintain two different personas can be exhausting. The fear of being “found out” or exposed adds to the emotional strain.
Isolation: Those who live a double life often feel deeply alone, believing that no one truly understands them or knows who they really are.
Worsening Mental Health Symptoms: Suppressing emotions and refusing to acknowledge one’s mental health can make the underlying issues worse over time, leading to deeper depression, heightened anxiety, or more severe mood swings.
Delayed Help-Seeking: The longer someone keeps up the facade, the harder it becomes to ask for help or to admit to themselves and others that they are struggling.… Read More Double Life
Cognitive Dissonance: Narcissists experience cognitive dissonance when their actions don’t align with their self-image as a good, powerful, or perfect person. To resolve this inner conflict, they will distort the facts, deny responsibility, or rewrite the narrative to maintain their sense of superiority. They cannot tolerate the thought of being seen as flawed or at fault, so they manipulate the situation to fit a version that aligns with their ideal self.
Shame Avoidance: Beneath their grandiosity, narcissists often carry a deep sense of shame, though they rarely acknowledge or show it. This shame is so profound that they do everything they can to avoid facing it. Admitting to violent or abusive behavior would trigger that shame, and to protect themselves from this overwhelming feeling, they dismiss the incident as trivial or deny it altogether.… Read More Understanding Narcissism and the Need to Protect the Self-Image
When someone minimizes their physical aggression and claims that it was “nothing,” it’s another serious red flag in the relationship. This behavior is a form of emotional manipulation and can be an attempt to gaslight you into doubting the severity of the incident. Whether the aggression is rooted in narcissism, mental illness, or any other factor, minimizing violent behavior is a way for the person to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to continue exerting control over you.… Read More Minimizing violent behavior
Reaction to Conflict: Narcissistic individuals rarely show remorse after being aggressive. Instead, they may blame their partner or justify their actions as warranted. People with mental illnesses might feel deeply ashamed or regretful after an outburst and might be more open to seeking help to manage their behavior.… Read More Key Differences Between Narcissism and Mental Illness
Ultimately, people who manipulate others in this way may have their own unresolved issues, insecurities, or need for control. While understanding their motives can be helpful, it doesn’t excuse or justify the behavior. Healthy relationships are based on trust, respect, and open communication, not manipulation and control.… Read More Distortion
Gaslighting can make you doubt your own sanity. When you’re repeatedly told that you’re imagining things, overreacting, or being too sensitive, it eats away at your self-confidence. You start to second-guess even your most basic thoughts and feelings. The emotional manipulation can be so subtle and pervasive that you hardly notice it happening, yet the impact is deep, leading you to question your reality and isolate yourself from those who might offer support.… Read More Gaslighting
Fleeing to Spain to evade charges of harboring a criminal in the UK is a serious matter that involves complex legal processes and international cooperation. Both the UK and Spain have strong legal frameworks and are committed to preventing fugitives from finding safe havens. Extradition is a likely outcome in such cases, and the individual could face aggravated charges and harsher penalties upon their return to the UK. Given the close ties and legal agreements between the two countries, there is little chance of avoiding prosecution in this scenario.… Read More Harboring or Assisting an Offender
