During separation and divorce, one of the most important — and most difficult — boundaries to hold is this: Do not allow siblings, children, extended family, or friends to sway your decisions simply because they are close to you. Not everyone involved has your best interests at heart — even when they believe they do.… Read More How Other People’s Agendas Can Distort Separation and Divorce Decisions
Therapy is for truth.Law is for proof.Public statements are for boundaries. You do not owe full truth to every arena. 1. What to keep THERAPEUTIC ONLY These are essential for healing but usually not necessary or wise to share publicly or legally. Keep in therapy: 📌 Why: ✔️ You can show the messages to your psychologist❌ You don’t need to turn your pain into… Read More The core principle
Naming behaviour you previously ignored does not create harm — it reveals it.When a psychologist helps you identify that certain behaviours were harassment, bullying, or rights violations, that is reality integration, not exaggeration. This process: Many survivors only realise after safety is established: “What I tolerated wasn’t conflict — it was abuse.” That realisation is healing, not hostility. Why… Read More The core truth (clinically & legally sound)
When bullying, abuse, and harassment “run in the family,” you’re not dealing with isolated bad behaviour — you’re dealing with a relational system that has normalised cruelty as a way of bonding, regulating power, and enforcing loyalty. This is recognised in psychology, trauma work, and increasingly in law. What it actually means when abuse runs in a family It… Read More Keeping it in the family
Here’s the clear, grounded breakdown — legally and practically. 1. Core rule (this matters most) A restraining order cannot be bypassed through family, friends, or third parties. If the family: 👉 This may constitute a breach of the restraining order by proxy. Courts call this indirect contact or contact through third parties. 2. What counts as harassment/bullying in this… Read More Harassment or bullying by an abuser’s family when there is a restraining order in place is taken very seriously.
Plain truth Harassing a person who is known (or should reasonably be known) to have PTSD and is escaping or recovering from domestic violence is not “just harassment”.It is an aggravating form of psychological abuse. It compounds trauma and recreates the dynamics of coercive control. Why this is treated more seriously 1. Foreseeable harm When someone: …then continued harassment is… Read More Harassing someone with PTSD who is already dealing with domestic violence
Name-calling, vile emails/texts, accusations, blackmail, humiliation from the abuser’s family — is active mental cruelty, not “family conflict”. The hardest (and smartest) question is exactly the one you asked: When do I name it — and when do I disengage? Below is a clear decision framework used in trauma-informed legal and clinical work. The golden rule (read this first)… Read More The golden rule
Mental cruelty by an abuser’s family occurs when relatives knowingly or recklessly engage in behaviours that reinforce, enable, excuse, or extend the abuser’s control, causing psychological harm and undermining the victim’s autonomy, safety, or credibility. This is sometimes called: They may not hit you.They may never raise their voice.But the harm is systemic and strategic. How… Read More Mental cruelty from the family of an abuser — what it is
Core difference (in one line) Both are abuse.Both are legally relevant.Neither requires “bad intentions” — only harm + pattern. 1. Physical cruelty Definition Physical cruelty is the intentional or reckless infliction of bodily harm, pain, or physical intimidation to control, punish, or dominate another person. What it looks like Key features Legal clarity 📌 Law focuses on:… Read More Physical cruelty vs Mental (psychological) cruelty
Below is a clean legal mapping of cruelty → coercive control, using language that aligns with modern abuse law, human-rights framing, and Spanish / European legal concepts.This is the kind of structure professionals use (lawyers, courts, clinicians, expert witnesses). 1. Core legal principle (the shift) Cruelty becomes legally relevant when it functions as CONTROL. Law does not require: Law looks for: This is… Read More Cruelty Coercive Control
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 