What happens when you file for divorce in 2024 and the other person says “no”?What happens when your solicitor receives no response for months?When you try to sell the house, put forward offers, and hear nothing?When “For Sale” signs are quietly removed in the night?And then—one year later—you are accused, sued, or taken to court… Read More When Divorce Becomes a Control Strategy: A Neuroscience Perspective
This week I:✔️ ticked many boxes✔️ ploughed through the to-do list like a woman possessed✔️ drove many, many miles (why is everything always far?)✔️ collected endless documents (why do they all exist in triplicate?)✔️ tied up loose ends that had clearly been loose since at least 2019✔️ completed tasks I do not remember agreeing to, creating,… Read More A very productive week… followed by a moment of existential reflection (as one does)
From a trauma-informed perspective, this statement is often misunderstood. It is not always rejection.It is not necessarily avoidance.And it is rarely said lightly. When someone expresses a preference to be alone, it may reflect a nervous system that has learned that connection no longer feels safe, predictable, or reparative. Chronic emotional stress, invalidation, or unmet relational… Read More When someone tells you they prefer to be on their own, listen.
From a trauma-informed and neuroscience perspective, emotional withdrawal rarely happens overnight. She didn’t leave because of one argument, one difficult week, or a single unmet need. What is often described as a “sudden” departure is usually the final stage of a long process of nervous-system exhaustion. Before the silence, there was communication: Each attempt was… Read More Silence is not sudden. It is a trauma response.
When someone says: “You have no filter”“You’re too harsh”“You’re aggressive” while they use foul language, character attacks, and accusations in private, they are doing something called: Defensive Attribution + Projection Neurologically, this is about threat detection, not communication. 1. Exposure Triggers the Threat Response When an abuser senses that: Their amygdala fires — not from fear of harm, but fear… Read More The Core Move: Pre‑emptive Inversion
When a trained psychologist is visibly shocked, it tells you something important about the severity and objectivity of what you endured. This is not about validation through emotion. It’s about clinical reality breaking through professional neutrality. 🧠 Why a Psychologist’s Shock Is Neurologically Significant Psychologists are trained to: So when their face gives it away, something unusual is happening at a… Read More 🧠 Why a Psychologist’s Shock Is Neurologically Significant
Let’s start with the truth most survivors are pressured not to say: Abusers rely on silence, minimisation, and “being the bigger person.”Protection of abusers is one of the most socially normalised forms of harm. 1. Abuse Is Not “Loss of Control” — It Is Selective Control Abusers: Then claim: “I just snapped”“I’m blunt”“I was stressed”“That’s just how I… Read More Exposing the Abuser (No Sugar-Coating)
Upbringing and character shape communication at a nervous-system level, not just a “personality” level. People don’t simply choose how they communicate — they default to what their brain learned was safe, effective, or rewardedearly in life. I’ll break this down clearly and then show how different upbringings produce different communication styles. 🧠 1. Early Environment Wires the Communication System A… Read More Filters
What Those Statements Actually Are Examples: These are NOT: These ARE: Why This Is Not Just “Unfiltered Honesty” 1. They Target Identity, Not Behavior Unfiltered honesty can still focus on actions: “This task wasn’t completed.” Your examples focus on who the person is: 📍 The brain experiences this as a social threat, activating the same neural pathways as physical danger. 2.… Read More Aggressive Communication
This is a crucial piece of the picture — and one that causes survivors enormous secondary harm. Psychology and neuroscience explain family enabling very clearly. 1. Threat to the family identity Families function as identity systems, not just groups of individuals. When abuse is acknowledged, it threatens: The brain treats this as an existential threat, activating the amygdala. Under… Read More Why family members often enable abuse
