When someone tells you they prefer to be on their own, listen.

From a trauma-informed perspective, this statement is often misunderstood. It is not always rejection.It is not necessarily avoidance.And it is rarely said lightly. When someone expresses a preference to be alone, it may reflect a nervous system that has learned that connection no longer feels safe, predictable, or reparative. Chronic emotional stress, invalidation, or unmet relational… Read More When someone tells you they prefer to be on their own, listen.

The Cycle of Destruction: Lies, Manipulation, and Hate

Navigating the aftermath of a difficult relationship is often challenging, but when your ex-partner seems dedicated to undoing everything you’ve worked so hard to build, it can feel like a relentless assault on your peace and happiness. For some, this experience transcends the typical struggles of divorce or separation, plunging into the realm of sustained,… Read More The Cycle of Destruction: Lies, Manipulation, and Hate

Emotional Rollercoaster

Constantly being in a position of emotional support for someone who is struggling with their mental health can lead to caregiver burnout. The partner might find themselves always “on” — monitoring their loved one’s mood, managing their emotional crises, and trying to hold things together at home. This level of vigilance and emotional labor can be exhausting, both mentally and physically.

The pressure to always be strong and to constantly put their own needs on hold can lead to anxiety, sleep problems, and even physical health issues. The stress of dealing with unpredictability can weaken their immune system, contribute to chronic fatigue, and cause other stress-related health conditions. Partners of those with mental health struggles often find themselves taking on the role of a caretaker rather than a partner. This role reversal can create an imbalance in the relationship, where they are more of a parent or therapist than an equal partner. This dynamic can be exhausting and unhealthy over the long term because it prevents the partner from expressing their own needs, vulnerabilities, and emotions.

The burden of always being the strong one in the relationship can lead to resentment, especially if they feel like they have no one to lean on when they’re going through their own challenges. This emotional weight can become too heavy to bear, leading to a sense of being overwhelmed.… Read More Emotional Rollercoaster

Double Life

Increased Stress: The effort required to maintain two different personas can be exhausting. The fear of being “found out” or exposed adds to the emotional strain.

Isolation: Those who live a double life often feel deeply alone, believing that no one truly understands them or knows who they really are.

Worsening Mental Health Symptoms: Suppressing emotions and refusing to acknowledge one’s mental health can make the underlying issues worse over time, leading to deeper depression, heightened anxiety, or more severe mood swings.

Delayed Help-Seeking: The longer someone keeps up the facade, the harder it becomes to ask for help or to admit to themselves and others that they are struggling.… Read More Double Life

Letting Go of the Need to Fix

Your life is valuable, and you deserve to spend it in peace, surrounded by people who respect, support, and care for you. You are not defined by the abuse you have endured or the efforts you made to change it. You are defined by your strength, your courage, and your worthiness of love and kindness.

Ultimately, it’s not your job to fix an abusive person or to make their behavior acceptable. It’s your job to take care of yourself, to choose your own well-being, and to create a life where you are treated with the respect and compassion you deserve.… Read More Letting Go of the Need to Fix

Time

The concept of the “sunk cost fallacy” often plays a role in why people stay in long-term abusive relationships. This fallacy is the belief that because you’ve already invested so much time, effort, or resources, you should continue, even when it’s clear that staying causes more harm than good. But remember, the time you’ve already spent in the relationship is gone. The most important thing is the time you have left—and how you want to spend it.… Read More Time

Understanding Narcissism and the Need to Protect the Self-Image

Cognitive Dissonance: Narcissists experience cognitive dissonance when their actions don’t align with their self-image as a good, powerful, or perfect person. To resolve this inner conflict, they will distort the facts, deny responsibility, or rewrite the narrative to maintain their sense of superiority. They cannot tolerate the thought of being seen as flawed or at fault, so they manipulate the situation to fit a version that aligns with their ideal self.

Shame Avoidance: Beneath their grandiosity, narcissists often carry a deep sense of shame, though they rarely acknowledge or show it. This shame is so profound that they do everything they can to avoid facing it. Admitting to violent or abusive behavior would trigger that shame, and to protect themselves from this overwhelming feeling, they dismiss the incident as trivial or deny it altogether.… Read More Understanding Narcissism and the Need to Protect the Self-Image

Minimizing violent behavior

When someone minimizes their physical aggression and claims that it was “nothing,” it’s another serious red flag in the relationship. This behavior is a form of emotional manipulation and can be an attempt to gaslight you into doubting the severity of the incident. Whether the aggression is rooted in narcissism, mental illness, or any other factor, minimizing violent behavior is a way for the person to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to continue exerting control over you.… Read More Minimizing violent behavior