I saw a quote today that said: “Every person enters your life for a reason.” I’m still trying to work out what the reason was for my ex-husband. So far my leading theories are: To fund several therapists. To teach me what red flags look like. To improve my ability to spot nonsense at 100… Read More Reasons
Epistemic Injustice is a term coined by philosopher Miranda Fricker to describe a situation where someone is treated unfairly in their role as a knower — that is, when their knowledge, experiences, testimony, or understanding are dismissed, distorted, or undervalued because of prejudice or power imbalances. Fricker identified two main forms: 1. Testimonial Injustice This… Read More Epistemic Injustice
Three doctors (one in France and two in Spain), three psychologists (one in France and two in Spain), a forensic psychologist in the UK, friends in three countries, and family members all reached the same conclusion. They could not all be wrong. It took many years and many attempts before I finally made the decision… Read More Abuse Assessment Checklist
One of the hardest lessons many people learn in an abusive relationship is that no amount of love, patience, sacrifice, pleading, reasoning, or counselling can force another person to change. You cannot control someone else’s behaviour. You cannot make them stop lying. You cannot make them stop manipulating. You cannot make them stop being verbally,… Read More The One Person You Can Change Is You
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
From a psychology and neuroscience perspective, it’s important not to assume that everyone who lives from inherited wealth has the same motives or character. Some inherited wealth and continue working, contributing to society, volunteering, running businesses, or pursuing meaningful goals. However, when someone becomes excessively focused on inheritance, constantly discussing who will inherit, what assets are… Read More Reward and Motivation Systems
When money becomes the focus of nearly every conversation, it often reflects something deeper than simple curiosity about finances. There can be several psychological reasons: Security and Survival For some people, money represents safety. If they grew up with financial insecurity, they may constantly assess what things cost, what people earn, and who owns what… Read More Social Comparison
A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy. When someone says things like “she was never a Samaritan, she was just a gold digger” why would she be interested in someone 25 years her senior? Without evidence, several psychological processes can be at work: Projection People sometimes attribute motives to others that reflect their own way of thinking.… Read More A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy.
