When an abusive or manipulative ex-partner deliberately drags their heels, changes terms, or pressures you to “settle” for less, it’s rarely about money alone — it’s about maintaining power and emotional leverage. Here’s what’s often happening beneath the surface, from a psychological and trauma-informed perspective:
🧠 The Psychology Behind It
- Control Through Delay:
Prolonging legal processes keeps you emotionally tied up, anxious, and financially stretched — a tactic designed to wear you down until you give in. - Intermittent Reinforcement:
Offering brief moments of apparent cooperation, then retracting them, mirrors the emotional manipulation of the relationship itself. - Ego and Image Management:
Many abusers fear “losing” or being seen as the problem. They move goalposts to regain a sense of dominance. - Financial Abuse Continuation:
By withholding fair settlement, they continue the cycle of deprivation and dependency that existed during the relationship.
💬 What Helps You Stay Grounded
- Keep Everything in Writing: Don’t rely on verbal agreements. Use email or your solicitor for all communication.
- Set Boundaries with Timeframes: Ask your lawyer to impose deadlines for responses or filings where possible.
- Do Not Engage Emotionally: They thrive on reaction. Keep your tone neutral, factual, and brief.
- Lean on Professional Support: A trauma-informed solicitor, therapist, or support service can help you stay centered and assertive.
- Remember: Their delay tactics are not proof of your weakness — they’re proof that you’ve disrupted their control system.
