🚩 Signs to Watch For

1. They Report “What Your Family Said” — But You Never Hear It Directly
   • “Your mum told me she doesn’t think you’re ready for kids.”
   • If every negative comment only comes through the abuser, that’s a warning sign.
2. They Always Seem to “Know Better” What Your Family Really Meant
   • They reinterpret family words in the worst possible light:
     “When your sister said she was busy, she really meant she doesn’t want to see you.”
3. They Play the Victim Around Your Family
   • Crying, sulking, or hinting that you mistreat them.
   • Family may feel sorry for them and begin to view you as harsh or unstable.
4. You’re Pressured to Take Sides
   • “If you loved me, you wouldn’t let your brother talk to me like that.”
   • This forces a loyalty test where you either betray your family or betray your partner.
5. Family Conflicts Feel Manufactured
   • Arguments appear out of nowhere based on “he said, she said.”
   • You leave family gatherings feeling confused and doubting your memory.
6. They Discourage Independent Contact
   • “Don’t bother calling your dad, he never picks up anyway.”
   • Or they insist on being present for every phone call or visit.
7. Family Members Echo Their Words Back to You
   • You start hearing your abuser’s criticisms repeated by relatives.
   • This suggests they’ve been feeding your family a skewed narrative.
8. Your Family Relationship Deteriorates After They Enter the Picture
   • Longstanding bonds weaken only since your partner arrived.
   • This pattern is rarely coincidence.

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✅ If multiple red flags show up, you’re likely experiencing coercive control through family division.
The goal is not just to damage family ties — it’s to make the abuser the only “safe” or trusted figure left in your life.