Divorce, when handled with dignity and fairness, is the end of a chapter — not the start of a war. But for some, particularly those with narcissistic or controlling tendencies, divorce isn’t about moving on. It’s about domination. And the battleground? Your peace, your confidence, your resources, and your mental health.

This is the psychological tactic of pre-settlement harassment — a strategic campaign of intimidation, financial manipulation, and emotional games launched right before the final settlement. It’s not a coincidence. It’s a plan.

🎯 The Game Plan: Destabilize and Conquer

When I filed for divorce ten months ago, I offered what the law in Spain generally upholds as fair: a 50/50 split. That’s the legal minimum. Equal. Balanced. Reasonable.

He refused.

Instead, he responded with threats, smear campaigns, property damage, and constant harassment — the same tactics he used on his ex-wife. The goal? To make me so emotionally worn down, so mentally drained, that I would cave. That I would give up my share, my rights, my peace — just to make the hell stop.

And here’s what I want the world to know:
I did not cave.
I will not surrender.
And I see his game clearly — it’s not intelligent, it’s not strategic.
It’s desperate.

🧠 What the Psychology Says

This behavior is called coercive control — and it doesn’t always end with separation. In fact, many abusers escalate after a breakup, especially if they sense they’re losing power.

According to trauma-informed psychology and domestic abuse studies:

• Pre-divorce harassment is a common strategy used to manipulate legal outcomes.
• Deliberate stress (vandalism, surveillance, threats) is inflicted to cloud your thinking, induce panic, and drive rash decisions.
• The brain under chronic intimidation activates the amygdala — your fear center — making you more likely to “just sign the papers” to make it end.
• But when you see it for what it is — tactical abuse — the power starts to shift back.

🧾 Why This Happens Before a Settlement

• They want more than the law allows. In Spain, matrimonial assets are typically divided equally — but abusers don’t want fair, they want everything.
• They’re afraid of exposure. A divorce settlement is public documentation of your claims — harassment, financial misconduct, abuse. So they try to frighten you into silence.
• They mistake intimidation for negotiation. They’ve used threats to get their way for years. But the law doesn’t bend to tantrums — and neither should you.

🛡 What I Know Now

• I’m not a nervous wreck anymore. I’m informed.
• I’m not scared. I’m prepared.
• I know this is not a reflection of me, but of him.
• And I’m not backing down — because justice doesn’t yield to harassment.

🔄 The Pattern Always Repeats

He took me to places his ex-wife always wanted to go — not out of love, but to incite jealousy. He claimed family vacations were paid for by others, when in reality, he pre-diverted funds to hide money before the divorce. It’s a pattern. And I refuse to let it be repeated with me.

You can’t gaslight someone who sees the whole playbook.

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💪 A Message to Anyone Going Through This:

If you’re facing pre-settlement harassment, remember:

• Keep a record. Dates, threats, screenshots, receipts. It all counts.
• Don’t engage in emotional retaliation — it’s a trap.
• Know your rights under the law. In Spain, 50/50 is standard. You do not have to give up anything to silence the storm.
• Lean into community. You’re not alone.
• And above all: you are allowed to fight for peace — and walk away with dignity.

Your calm is power. Your boundaries are strength. And your refusal to be bullied out of what’s fair is a revolution.