There’s a huge difference between talking to or at someone and talking with them.
Talking to Someone
This is more of a one-way conversation where one person does most of the talking, and the other is expected to listen. There might be some response, but the exchange isn’t necessarily balanced.
🔹 Example:
A teacher in a lecture hall explaining a concept to students:
“Today, we will discuss emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to recognize and manage your emotions and the emotions of others. This is important for personal and professional relationships.”
In this scenario, the teacher is providing information, but there’s little opportunity for engagement.
Talking at Someone
This is even more one-sided and often feels like a lecture, a scolding, or a speech. The speaker dominates the conversation without giving the other person a chance to respond meaningfully. It can feel dismissive, commanding, or even aggressive.
🔹 Example:
A parent scolding their teenager:
“You never listen! I’ve told you a hundred times to clean your room. You’re always making excuses, and I’m tired of it!”
Here, the parent is venting frustration without leaving space for dialogue. The teenager might feel shut down rather than heard.
Talking with Someone
This is a genuine two-way exchange where both people feel heard, understood, and engaged. It involves active listening, responding thoughtfully, and allowing the conversation to flow naturally.
🔹 Example:
Two friends discussing a tough situation:
Sarah: “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed at work lately. There’s just so much pressure.”
Emily: “That sounds really tough. Is it the workload, or something else?”
Sarah: “It’s mostly the deadlines. I feel like I’m always running behind.”
Emily: “I get that. Deadlines can be stressful. Have you talked to your manager about adjusting them?”
In this case, Emily isn’t just hearing Sarah; she’s engaging with her, showing empathy, and offering a space for conversation to grow.
Why It Matters
Talking with someone fosters connection, understanding, and emotional safety, while talking to or at someone can feel dismissive, controlling, or impersonal.
If you want to build meaningful relationships, talk with people—not just to them! 😊
