In most cases, abusers do not fully confess to their actions—at least, not in a way that is honest, accountable, and free of manipulation. Here’s why:

1. Confessing Would Mean Taking Full Responsibility (Which Most Abusers Avoid)

• Abusers thrive on control, and admitting the truth means giving up that control.
• A real confession would require them to acknowledge the harm they caused, without excuses or justifications—and that level of self-awareness is rare.
• If they do admit anything, it’s usually minimized, twisted, or followed by a “but” (e.g., “Yes, I did that, but you made me”).

2. Some Will “Confess” for Manipulation or Sympathy

If an abuser ever “admits” their behavior, it’s often part of a strategy to:

• Regain control by appearing remorseful.
• Make you feel guilty so you forgive them and let them back in.
• Play the victim by blaming their childhood, stress, or mental health.
• Convince others they’ve changed (without actually changing).

For example, they might say:
💬 “I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was struggling, and you abandoned me when I needed help.”
💬 “I made mistakes, but I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
💬 “I was wrong, but you also did things that hurt me.”

None of these are true accountability. A real confession would sound like:
💬 “I abused you. It was wrong. I take full responsibility. I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I want you to know I own what I did.”
That kind of statement? Almost never happens.

3. If They Do Confess, It’s Usually Too Late

Some abusers only admit the truth when:

• They’ve lost everything (their victim, their reputation, their support system).
• They’re facing legal consequences and hope for leniency.
• They want to rewrite the story to make themselves look better.

At that point, a confession is self-serving—not about making amends, but about easing their own guilt or controlling the narrative.

4. Some Abusers Truly Believe Their Own Lies

Many abusers have distorted thinking and rewrite history to protect their ego. Even if they seem to believe their own excuses, it doesn’t mean they’re being truthful—it just means they’ve convinced themselves.

Bottom Line: Don’t Wait for a Confession

• If they never admit the truth, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
• If they do confess, it doesn’t mean they’ve changed.
• Either way, your healing isn’t dependent on their honesty.

The real question is: Do you need a confession to move forward? Or do you already know the truth in your heart?