Emotional abuse can take many forms, often subtle at first but increasing in intensity over time. It can be difficult to recognize, especially when it’s disguised as concern, love, or even “helping” someone. Here’s a long list of emotionally abusive behaviors that can occur in relationships:

1. Verbal Abuse

• Name-calling or using derogatory terms to insult.
• Belittling, mocking, or laughing at someone’s feelings, ideas, or needs.
• Yelling, screaming, or harshly criticizing.
• Using sarcasm or put-downs to attack the other person.
• Dismissing someone’s opinions or ideas as unimportant.

2. Gaslighting

• Denying things that have happened or conversations that took place.
• Making the person feel like they’re losing touch with reality.
• Manipulating the truth to make the person doubt their own memory or perceptions.
• Telling the victim that they are “too sensitive” or overreacting when they express hurt feelings.
• Accusing the victim of being forgetful, crazy, or paranoid.

3. Control and Domination

• Trying to control where the person goes, who they speak to, or what they wear.
• Limiting or isolating the person from their friends, family, or support system.
• Monitoring their movements, such as checking their phone, email, or social media.
• Dictating how the person spends their money or what they buy.
• Making decisions for them without their input, including choices related to their career, health, or personal life.

4. Manipulation

• Playing the victim to get the other person to feel guilty or responsible for the abuser’s emotions.
• Using guilt-tripping or shame to control or manipulate actions.
• Withholding affection, love, or attention as a way to control the person.
• Offering false promises or declarations of change, then reverting back to harmful behaviors.

5. Emotional Blackmail

• Threatening to harm oneself or others if the victim doesn’t comply with the abuser’s demands.
• Saying things like “If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself” or “I’ll make sure everyone hates you.”
• Using the victim’s love and concern for others as a tool to control them.
• Creating a sense of fear or obligation to prevent the person from leaving or standing up for themselves.

6. Humiliation

• Publicly embarrassing or humiliating the victim, such as mocking them in front of others.
• Calling them names in front of others to damage their reputation or self-esteem.
• Discrediting or ridiculing their achievements or abilities.
• Constantly reminding them of past mistakes, failures, or vulnerabilities to diminish their confidence.

7. Undermining and Sabotaging

• Constantly putting down the victim’s achievements or goals.
• Undermining their efforts to succeed or better themselves.
• Sabotaging the person’s career, friendships, or personal goals.
• Discouraging them from pursuing their dreams or personal growth.

8. Threatening Harm

• Making veiled or direct threats to the person’s physical safety or that of others they care about.
• Threatening to take away their children, pets, or important possessions.
• Using past events or behaviors as leverage to make the person feel unsafe or insecure.
• “Joking” about hurting someone or putting them in dangerous situations, even if the “joke” is meant seriously.

9. Isolation

• Preventing the person from seeing family, friends, or engaging in social activities.
• Creating tension or conflicts with loved ones to drive a wedge between them and the victim.
• Using guilt or anger to keep the person from connecting with others.
• Making the person feel like they can’t trust anyone but the abuser.

10. Blame-shifting

• Always blaming the victim for the issues in the relationship, regardless of circumstances.
• Refusing to take responsibility for their actions or behaviors.
• Telling the victim that things are always their fault or that they “made” the abuser do something.
• Gaslighting the victim into believing they are the problem in the relationship.

11. Withholding and Silent Treatment

• Withholding affection, communication, or attention as punishment.
• Giving the “silent treatment” or refusing to speak for extended periods.
• Ignoring the victim’s needs or concerns to manipulate the situation.
• Using silence as a tool to emotionally manipulate and make the person feel invisible or unimportant.

12. Intimidation and Threats

• Using physical size, gestures, or threats to make the person feel scared or unsafe.
• Destroying objects to threaten or intimidate the victim.
• Engaging in threatening body language, such as glaring, invading personal space, or acting aggressively.
• Making the victim feel like they have no power in the relationship.

13. Constant Criticism

• Criticizing the victim’s every move, appearance, or thought.
• Making harsh, unjust, or unnecessary negative comments.
• Using subtle or overt criticisms as a way to diminish the victim’s self-esteem.
• Calling the person “stupid,” “lazy,” “useless,” or other derogatory terms.

14. Conditional Love and Approval

• Giving love, approval, or affection only when the person behaves a certain way or meets the abuser’s needs.
• Withholding affection or attention when the person doesn’t meet the abuser’s expectations.
• Making the victim feel like they’re never good enough or constantly falling short.

15. Jealousy and Possessiveness

• Exhibiting extreme jealousy or possessiveness, making the person feel suffocated or trapped.
• Questioning the victim’s relationships with others or accusing them of cheating without evidence.
• Making the person feel guilty for spending time with others, whether friends, family, or colleagues.
• Insisting that the victim “belongs” to them, demanding control over their time and interactions.

16. Invalidating Feelings

• Dismissing or invalidating the victim’s feelings, often making them feel like they have no right to feel the way they do.
• Telling the victim they are “overreacting” or “too sensitive” when expressing hurt or discomfort.
• Ridiculing their emotional responses, making them feel inadequate or misunderstood.

17. Minimizing

• Downplaying the abuse or making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.
• Saying things like “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re just imagining it.”
• Gaslighting the victim into thinking that the abuse is not as serious as they believe.

18. Demanding Perfection

• Expecting the victim to be perfect in all things, from how they look to how they behave.
• Constantly criticizing minor mistakes or flaws.
• Setting impossible standards, then punishing the person when they fall short.

19. Exploiting Vulnerabilities

• Using the person’s insecurities, fears, or past trauma against them to control or hurt them.
• Telling the person they are weak or unworthy because of their past or vulnerabilities.
• Exposing private or painful details of the person’s life to humiliate or manipulate them.

20. Projection

• Accusing the victim of the things the abuser is doing or has done.
• Blaming the victim for their own actions, such as cheating or lying, when it’s the abuser who is guilty.
• Making the victim feel like they are the problem when they are simply responding to the abuser’s behavior.

21. Dismissive or Deflecting Behavior

• Shutting down conversations when the victim tries to address problems or their feelings.
• Deflecting blame or responsibility by changing the subject or redirecting attention away from the issue.
• Interrupting or disregarding the victim’s concerns.

These emotionally abusive behaviors are all designed to manipulate, control, and undermine the victim. They often happen in a cycle that can make it hard for the person being abused to break free. Recognizing these behaviors is an important first step toward reclaiming control and seeking support. If any of these behaviors feel familiar, it’s important to prioritize your well-being and reach out for help, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones.