Greed or Opportunism in Divorce: How It Manifests and Why

Ignoring Past Contributions: A partner exhibiting greedy behavior may discount or even erase the financial and emotional contributions their spouse made over the years. This can extend to a refusal to acknowledge sacrifices like selling a home or contributing financially to shared goals, including family vacations, household expenses, or investments.… Read More Greed or Opportunism in Divorce: How It Manifests and Why

Transactional

When love takes a back seat to money, it often signals deeper issues, such as a lack of emotional connection, unresolved conflicts, or misplaced priorities. It can feel especially painful if you’ve given your time, energy, and heart to a relationship, only to see those intangible contributions dismissed or overshadowed by material concerns.

Over three decades, a relationship encompasses so much more than money—there are sacrifices made, support offered during hard times, laughter shared, and memories created that no dollar amount can quantify. Love isn’t about keeping score or assigning value to contributions; it’s about partnership, where both people feel seen, heard, and appreciated for what they bring to the table, whether tangible or intangible.… Read More Transactional

When someone demands a gift back

After 25 years of partnership, using joint money to buy an anniversary gift and then asking for it back when things don’t go as planned can leave you questioning the meaning behind the gesture in the first place.

It’s not just about the material aspect of the gift—it’s the symbolism, the shared effort, and the intention behind it that truly matter. When someone demands a gift back, especially after such a long history together, it can feel like they’re minimizing the years of shared experiences, struggles, and successes that the relationship was built on.

This kind of behavior might point to deeper issues, like unresolved resentment, a struggle for control, or a lack of understanding about what true partnership means. In a healthy relationship, gifts—especially those meant to mark something as significant as 25 years—are expressions of love and shared joy, not transactions that come with conditions.… Read More When someone demands a gift back

Someone else’s hard work

It can be frustrating and even disheartening to deal with situations where people assume you’re with someone for their money, only to realize that the financial stability they attribute to that person is actually the result of someone else’s hard work—often the partner’s. This kind of misunderstanding says a lot about societal stereotypes and how people perceive wealth, relationships, and success.

In such cases, the hardworking partner often gets overlooked or underestimated because their contributions might not be flashy or boastful. The partner may be quietly managing finances, working diligently, or building stability behind the scenes while the other person enjoys the spotlight.… Read More Someone else’s hard work

Working with a fully trained psychologist

Psychologists can help you recognize the tactics used by abusers, such as gaslighting, financial control, and emotional manipulation. Understanding these behaviors makes it easier to see that the abuse was not your fault.

They can help you identify patterns across different areas of the relationship that you may not have connected before, revealing the full extent of the control.Hearing a professional confirm, “Yes, this is abuse,” can be profoundly validating, especially if you’ve been gaslit into believing otherwise.

They create a safe space where your feelings, fears, and experiences are acknowledged without judgment.… Read More Working with a fully trained psychologist

The echo chamber of his control

For years, I lived a life filled with silent suffering, my words unheard, my feelings dismissed, my spirit bruised. I wrote countless letters, pouring my heart onto paper, each word carefully chosen and each plea steeped in vulnerability. I begged—not for grand gestures, but for the smallest breadcrumbs of love and kindness, for tenderness and a trace of softness. Instead, my words were met with harshness, insults, and cruelty. He threw my heartfelt letters away, discarding them as if they were meaningless scraps.

When words failed, his actions spoke volumes. He would retreat to a room, locking himself away, forbidding me from disturbing him. Days would pass in cold silence, my existence ignored, until he reappeared, acting as if nothing had transpired. Any attempt to address the pain, to speak of the void he had created, was strictly forbidden. I was expected to carry on, burying my emotions in the same way he buried my pleas for connection. This cycle repeated itself, an unrelenting rhythm of neglect, particularly on special occasions or before social gatherings, as though to tarnish what should have been moments of joy.… Read More The echo chamber of his control

Something for Nothing

For those who seem hopelessly caught up in their opportunistic ways, it can be helpful to recognize that their behavior often stems from a lack—be it emotional, moral, or experiential. That doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can provide context and perhaps soften the frustration they cause. Sometimes, modeling respect and gratitude might plant a seed of awareness in them, though it’s not guaranteed.… Read More Something for Nothing

You Survived

Sometimes it’s only by stepping away from a toxic or abusive environment that the full weight of what you endured becomes clear. While you’re in the thick of it, survival often takes precedence. You’re so busy navigating the emotional landmines, walking on eggshells, and trying to keep the peace that you don’t have the space or perspective to see the situation for what it truly is.

It’s only when you’re out of it—when the constant tension eases and the fog starts to lift—that the truth begins to settle in. You realize that what you thought was “normal” was anything but. That hyper-awareness you lived with wasn’t just you being cautious; it was you trying to survive in a war zone, emotionally or even physically.

Here are some reasons why clarity often comes after stepping away:… Read More You Survived