When someone describes every single past partner, ex, colleague, or friend as:
- “crazy”
- “jealous”
- “toxic”
- “liars”
- “abusive”
- “unstable”
- “out to get me”
There is a critical psychological question that must be asked:
Who is the only consistent factor in all of these relationships?
From a neuroscience perspective, this pattern reveals defensive nervous system wiring, not bad luck.
🧠 The Brain’s Threat-Protection System
When a person cannot tolerate accountability, their brain activates defensive threat responses to protect identity.
These include:
- Blame shifting
- Narrative distortion
- Victim positioning
- Memory rewriting
- Reality denial
This is not always conscious lying.
It is neuro-protective self-preservation.
The brain experiences shame, guilt, and responsibility as existential threat, triggering fight-or-flight responses.
So the mind asks:
“How do I survive this discomfort?”
And the answer becomes:
“Rewrite reality.”
🧬 Why Everyone Else Becomes the Villain
Healthy nervous systems can hold:
- Self-reflection
- Emotional complexity
- Mixed responsibility
- Repair
- Growth
Dysregulated or fragile nervous systems cannot.
Instead, they split the world into:
- Good me
- Bad others
This is called externalization of blame, and it allows the nervous system to avoid collapse.
If all exes are liars → I never have to self-reflect.
If all victims are jealous → I never have to repair.
If everyone betrayed me → I never have to change.
🧠 Pattern Recognition vs Coincidence
One bad relationship? → unfortunate.
Two toxic exes? → possible.
Every single past connection being unstable, jealous, abusive, or deceitful?
That is no longer coincidence.
That is patterned relational breakdown, and neuroscience tells us:
Patterns reveal nervous system organization.
Repeated relational chaos indicates:
- Emotional imm
