One of the most disorienting parts of leaving abuse is realising how long you were asked to doubt what others can see in seconds.
When people encounter him for the first time — even indirectly, even through a photograph — they notice things instantly:
- Emotional flatness
- Discomfort in the eyes
- A mismatch between expression and posture
- An underlying tension that doesn’t resolve
They don’t know the history. They don’t know the stories. They are not primed to judge.
And yet, their nervous systems register something incongruent.
This is not intuition in a mystical sense. It is neuroception — the brain’s rapid, unconscious assessment of safety, threat, and authenticity.
Our nervous systems are designed to detect when someone’s external presentation does not align with internal state. Micro-expressions leak. Chronic resentment leaves signatures. Suppressed hostility alters facial tone and body language over time.
That is why the reactions are so consistent.
Not because I am persuading.
But because the signal is strong.
Why Survivors Stop Trusting Their Own Perception
In abusive dynamics, perception is repeatedly overridden:
- You’re told you’re too sensitive
- You’re told you’re imagining things
- You’re told your reactions are the problem
Over time, the survivor learns to mistrust their own sensory data.
Meanwhile, outsiders — unconditioned, uninvested — still read the signal clearly.
The contrast can be shocking.
This Is How I Know I’m Free
Freedom is not when everyone agrees with you.
Freedom is when you no longer need agreement.
When other people see it immediately, without prompting, without explanation, something inside settles.
Not vindication.
Regulation.
The nervous system recognises that it was never broken — it was overridden.
And once you stop overriding yourself, the truth no longer needs a spokesperson.
It simply appears.
