You don’t get to decide you’re “no longer an abuser” and erase decades of harm.It doesn’t work that way.Abuse is not undone by insight, intention, or a sudden change of self-story.

You don’t wake up one morning, declare yourself healed, and wipe out 20, 30, or 50 years of damaging others.Real change is not a statement — it’s a sustained pattern, over time, under pressure.

Accountability means:Accepting the full impact of what you’ve doneTolerating discomfort without defensiveness

Making amends without demanding forgiveness

Changing behaviour consistently, even when no one is watching

Most importantly: the people you harmed are not required to update their nervous systems on your schedule.

If trust was broken over years, repair — if it’s even possible — takes years.And sometimes, the consequence of abuse is not reconciliation, but distance.

Growth is not proven by saying “I’ve stopped.”It’s proven by how much responsibility you can hold without centering yourself.