Many people will never truly understand abuse — especially strangulation — unless it happens to them, or to someone they deeply love.

Until it affects:

• Their child
• Their grandchild
• Their close friend
• Their partner
• Or themselves

It remains theoretical.

From the outside, people rely on:

• Comforting beliefs (“surely it wouldn’t go that far”)
• Denial (“I don’t want to believe this is possible”)
• Distance (“that kind of thing happens to other people”)

Understanding abuse requires sitting with fear, powerlessness, and the reality that someone you know could be capable of lethal harm. Many people simply cannot tolerate that truth — so they minimise, avoid, or disengage.

That is not insight.
It is self-protection.

Survivors don’t have the luxury of distance. They understand because their nervous system, body, and memory learned the truth the hard way.

If someone cannot understand your experience, it does not mean:

• You explained it badly
• It wasn’t serious
• You are exaggerating

It means they have not had to face it.

And you are not responsible for educating people who choose comfort over reality.

Your experience is valid — even when others cannot hold it.