START: Threat to Control
Trigger:
• Truth may come out
• Witnesses already know too much
• Affairs / abuse risk exposure
⬇️
1. CONTROL ACTIVATION
Internal state (abuser):
• Fear of losing dominance
• Fear of reputation damage
• Fear of accountability
Key driver:
“If people see the real situation, I lose power.”
⬇️
2. ISOLATION MANOEUVRE
External behaviour:
• Discouraging friends from visiting
• Blocking family from moving nearby
• Creating tension around supporters
• Framing it as “concern”, “drama”, or “bad timing”
Typical phrasing:
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for your sister-in-law to move here.”
Purpose (not stated):
Remove witnesses. Remove mirrors. Remove reality checks.
⬇️
3. NARRATIVE DOMINANCE
What changes once isolation works:
• Only one version of events circulates
• Gaslighting goes unchallenged
• Abuse reframed as misunderstandings
• Affairs and patterns stay hidden
Result:
You hear their story more than your own experience.
⬇️
4. TRAUMA IMPACT (Victim)
Nervous system effects:
• Chronic alertness (hypervigilance)
• Self-doubt (“Maybe it is me”)
• Shame and confusion
• Trauma bonding
• Delayed or stalled healing
Core injury:
Reality becomes unsafe to trust.
⬇️
5. REINFORCEMENT LOOP
System outcome:
• Isolation strengthens control
• Control increases fear of exposure
• Fear drives further isolation
Cycle continues until interrupted by:
• External witnesses
• Legal boundaries
• Professional validation
• Physical or emotional distance
🔍 Why this matters
This pattern is not about relationships.
It is about controlling the flow of truth.
People who are safe do not fear:
• your family
• your friends
• proximity
• witnesses
Only secrecy fears witnesses.
One grounding sentence to keep
If someone tries to keep reality away from other people, they are protecting themselves — not you.
