If something doesn’t quite add up, it’s okay to pause and take your time.

After abuse or trauma, our judgement can feel clouded — not because we’re weak, but because we’ve spent so long surviving. When we’re vulnerable, it’s easy to be drawn to people who appear confident, successful, or attentive. Sometimes those stories don’t fully match reality, and that can be confusing and painful to realise later.

Many therapists gently suggest staying out of new relationships for a while during recovery. Not as a punishment, but as protection. Healing takes clarity, and clarity comes when the nervous system has had time to settle.

Some people move through life on charm and momentum. That doesn’t always make them bad people — but it can make relationships unsafe when you’re still finding your footing again. You are allowed to notice patterns, trust your instincts, and step back without explanation.

I’ve learned that there is real strength in slowing down. In being on your own for a while. In making your own decisions, rebuilding your life at your own pace, and focusing on what brings steadiness and peace.

Right now, I’m choosing calm. Work. Home. Family. My dog. If a relationship comes in the future, it will be gentle, unhurried, and grounded.

And if any part of this resonates with you, please know you’re not alone — many of us are quietly learning the same lessons, one steady step at a time. 🌱