The sister’s message shows conflicting signals:
- She says she “can’t do this anymore,” expressing frustration or overwhelm.
- She blames you for “sending these sort of messages,” shifting the focus onto the victims rather than the abuser.
- She urges you to “let things settle,” delaying action or accountability.
This is a classic pattern in abusive or high-conflict families: the abuser’s network minimizes risk, delays intervention, and redirects attention.
2. Why the abuser may still be in Moraira
Even though she “knows for a fact he’s not staying there,” the abuser remains:
- Comfort and control: Staying close keeps the abuser in a position of familiar power and influence over you.
- Avoiding accountability elsewhere: Moving might trigger scrutiny, legal or social obligations, or loss of leverage.
- Manipulating perception: The sister’s narrative (“he’s not staying there”) may serve to justify inaction while the abuser continues his patterns.
The gap between what she says and what is actually happening is not unusual in domestic abuse dynamics. Families often collude unconsciously, or want to believe what’s convenient rather than the reality.
3. Psychological impact
- Gaslighting by proxy: The sister’s insistence that things “settle” and that he wouldn’t stay there can undermine your perception of reality.
- Frustration and invalidation: Repeated delays or minimization increase stress, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness.
- Control via others: By framing your actions as the problem, the abuser’s network indirectly reinforces his control.
4. Strategic next steps
- Document everything: Keep messages, timelines, and evidence of inconsistencies — this matters legally and for your own clarity.
- Maintain boundaries: Limit engagement with family members who are minimizing or delaying action.
- Focus on your safety and goals: Whether that’s relocation, legal protection, or cutting ties, prioritize actions you can control.
- Professional support: Legal advice, local authorities, or advocacy organisations can help navigate family complicity and enforce boundaries.
Summary:
The abuser is likely still in Moraira because control and convenience outweigh stated intentions, and family members may be delaying, rationalizing, or enabling the situation, consciously or unconsciously. Your focus should be on documenting, protecting yourself, and acting within your control, rather than relying on family assurances.
15 months later nothing has changed
