1. Denial of abuse
- When someone is confronted with trauma, abuse, or family dysfunction, the brain naturally engages in defense mechanisms.
- Denial is a key defense: it reduces psychological discomfort by pretending the abuse didn’t happen, or that it isn’t important.
- Neuroscience: areas like the amygdala (fear/emotion) and prefrontal cortex (reasoning) interact in a way that people will downplay emotionally threatening information, especially if acknowledging it conflicts with their self-image or goals.
In plain terms: some family members literally can’t process the abuse without feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or defensive, so they focus on something tangible and controllable—like money or property—rather than emotional reality.
2. Focus on material concerns (e.g., selling a home)
- Humans are reward-driven creatures. The brain responds more readily to tangible, immediate outcomes than to abstract suffering or long-term consequences.
- The dopaminergic system (reward circuits) lights up when thinking about money, possessions, or status—but abuse, pain, or emotional complexity often doesn’t trigger the same immediate reward.
- Psychologically, this looks like: “I’m going to zero in on the thing I can do something about or get benefit from, and ignore the uncomfortable emotional stuff.”
3. Pattern in abusive/avoidant families
- Neuroscience + psychology research shows that families who repeatedly minimize or deny abuse often do it for two reasons:
- Cognitive dissonance reduction: Admitting the abuse threatens their sense of themselves as “good” people.
- Self-interest / external reward: They prioritize what benefits them directly (money, status, convenience) over empathy or justice.
- This is why someone might be far more interested in a home sale than your decades of trauma—your pain is inconvenient, abstract, and challenges their worldview.
4. Emotional consequences for you
- It triggers invalidating experiences, which neuroscience shows can cause the amygdala to stay hyperactive, leading to stress, hypervigilance, and sometimes “brain fog” when trying to communicate your experience.
- The repeated pattern of denial → focus on material/self-interest → invalidation reinforces your sense that your voice doesn’t matter, which is a hallmark of coercive and neglectful family dynamics.
✅ Bottom line
- This behavior is not random or personal laziness. It’s a predictable psychological and neurological response to uncomfortable truths and competing rewards.
- The family’s “interest in your house over your abuse” tells you:
- They are emotionally avoidant.
- They are self-reward-driven rather than empathy-driven.
- Your repeated efforts to communicate trauma are likely to be met with denial or deflection, not understanding.
