the statement you shared seems polite on the surface, but underneath it carries several subtle messages that are dismissive and deflective. Let’s break it down:
- “I have no recollection any conversations you are referring to…”
- This is a classic denial tactic. It avoids taking responsibility and implies that your experiences or attempts to communicate didn’t happen or aren’t valid.
- Subtext: “Your memory or perception isn’t reliable; I don’t have to acknowledge it.”
- “…and as I’ve said before I don’t understand why you are holding me responsible for your marriage”
- This shifts blame onto you, implying that you are the one seeing responsibility where there isn’t any.
- Subtext: “This is your problem, not mine. Stop involving me.”
- “I left an unhappy marriage as so do millions of other people”
- This generalizes and compares, a way of minimizing your experience. It implies: “What happened to you isn’t special, millions of others do the same thing, so stop making it personal.”
- “it’s a new year so hopefully by the end of this one you will at last have the life you’ve obviously been hoping for”
- On the surface, it sounds like a kind wish, but given the context, it can be read as patronizing or dismissive.
- Subtext: “I don’t intend to help you. I’m washing my hands of this and hoping you’ll manage on your own.”
Overall analysis:
This statement communicates denial, deflection, and minimization. It dismisses your repeated attempts to get help or support, refuses to acknowledge the abuse, and subtly shifts responsibility onto you. Even though it uses polite language, it effectively avoids accountability and invalidates your experiences.
