Financial abuse is often invisible while it is happening. It hides behind marriage, duty, trust, and time. Many people assume it is about money mismanagement or selfishness. In reality, it is about control, dependency, and long-term deprivation.

After three decades of marriage, I discovered that the plan was always to leave me with nothing.

Alternative wills were created and hidden.
Assets were secured and concealed.
I was financially restricted throughout the marriage—and arrangements were in place to ensure I would remain financially restricted even if he died.

He had access to all of my money, in life and after death.
I had access to none of the information or decision-making.

This is financial abuse.

What Financial Abuse Looks Like

Financial abuse does not require overt theft. It often includes:

• Restricting access to money while benefiting from another’s income or labour
• Hiding assets, accounts, or legal documents
• Controlling inheritance, wills, or financial outcomes without consent
• Ensuring dependency continues beyond separation or death
• Using financial power to enforce silence, compliance, or fear

It is a system, not an accident.

The Roles Assigned to the Victim

In financially abusive relationships, the victim is often expected to be:

• The financial safety net
• The unpaid carer
• The housekeeper
• The primary parent or nanny
• The emotional regulator

Their labour sustains the household, while their autonomy is quietly removed.

Why It Is So Hard to See

Financial abuse works slowly. Over time:

• Restrictions are normalised
• Questions are discouraged
• Responsibility is framed as loyalty
• Survival replaces choice

Professional support and distance are often required before the full pattern becomes visible.

The Critical Truth

What looks like trust is often information asymmetry.
What looks like stability is often engineered dependency.
What looks like love is sometimes entitlement to another person’s resources, labour, and life.

Financial abuse is not about money alone.
It is about who holds power, who holds knowledge, and who is left without protection.

Why Awareness Matters

Financial abuse frequently:

• Traps people in relationships longer than physical violence alone
• Continues after separation through legal and financial mechanisms
• Leaves survivors vulnerable long after the relationship ends

Naming it is not about blame.
It is about prevention, protection, and accountability.

For Anyone Reading This

If you do not have equal access to information, assets, and decision-making in your relationship, that is a warning sign.

If financial arrangements are made without your knowledge “for your own good,” that is control.

And if you only see the full picture once you are safe enough to look back, you are not late—you are recovering.