Predatory Behaviour on Dating Sites: A Neuroscience and Psychology Perspective
Some men deliberately seek out vulnerable individuals on dating platforms, often presenting themselves as “just looking for friendship” while covertly targeting widows, recent divorcees, or people recovering from trauma. This behaviour is not accidental or benign; it follows recognisable psychological and neurological patterns associated with manipulation, exploitation, and antisocial traits.
1. Why Vulnerability Is Targeted
From a psychological standpoint, vulnerability often involves heightened emotional openness, loneliness, grief, or a disrupted sense of identity. Research in social neuroscience shows that during periods of loss or transition, the brain’s threat-detection systems (amygdala) can be less dominant, while the attachment and bonding systems (oxytocin pathways) are more easily activated.
Predators intuitively or deliberately exploit this window, knowing that:
- Trust may be given more quickly
- Boundaries may be less firmly defended
- Empathy and kindness can be leveraged against the individual
This is not weakness—it is a normal human response to loss—but it can be exploited by those with harmful intent.
2. The “Friendship” Mask and Identity Deception
Claiming to seek “friendship only” while pursuing emotional, financial, or psychological gain is a classic example of covert manipulation. In psychology, this aligns with impression management and false self-presentation, often seen in individuals with narcissistic, psychopathic, or exploitative traits.
Neurologically, deception without remorse is associated with:
- Reduced activity in brain regions linked to empathy (such as the anterior insula)
- Increased reward-centre activation (dopamine pathways) when control or advantage is gained
In simple terms, they feel rewarded by the manipulation itself, not by genuine connection.
3. Sparse Online Profiles and Few Connections
Profiles with few connections, vague histories, or limited social proof are not inherently suspicious—but when combined with other red flags, they become significant. Social psychology shows that authentic individuals typically exist within interconnected social networks. Predators often avoid these networks because:
- Accountability increases risk of exposure
- Lies are harder to maintain
- Their behaviour does not withstand scrutiny
Minimal digital footprints allow them to disappear easily once challenged or once resources are depleted.
4. Disappearing at Weekends and Holidays
Consistent unavailability during weekends or holidays is a common behavioural marker. Psychologically, this may indicate:
- A double life (existing partner, family, or multiple targets)
- Strategic avoidance to maintain separate narratives
- Periods where control over their time is limited by real obligations
From a behavioural neuroscience perspective, patterned inconsistency is often more telling than any single lie. The brain is very good at recognising patterns when we allow ourselves to notice them.
5. Chronic Financial Scarcity and Exploitation
Many exploitative individuals present as perpetually struggling financially, despite grand stories or future promises. This aligns with instrumental exploitation—using sympathy, obligation, or emotional bonding to extract resources.
Psychologically, this behaviour is linked to:
- Externalised responsibility (“bad luck,” “unfair systems,” “toxic exes”)
- Entitlement without reciprocity
- A lack of long-term planning and accountability
Neuroscience research suggests that individuals with exploitative traits may show short-term reward bias, prioritising immediate gain over stable, long-term relationships or integrity.
6. The Core Motivation: Control, Not Connection
At the heart of this behaviour is power and control, not companionship. Genuine connection requires mutual vulnerability, consistency, and accountability. Predatory individuals avoid these because they threaten the illusion they maintain.
They are not seeking love, friendship, or partnership—they are seeking:
- Emotional regulation through others
- Financial or practical support
- Validation without responsibility
- A sense of dominance over someone perceived as “safe to exploit”
7. An Important Reframe
It is crucial to state clearly:
The responsibility lies entirely with the predator, not the person targeted.
Kindness, openness, empathy, and trust are healthy human traits. The problem is not possessing them—it is encountering someone who weaponises them.
Final Thought
Neuroscience and psychology both show us that patterns matter more than promises. Consistency, transparency, and accountability are markers of safety. Secrecy, vagueness, and strategic absence are not quirks—they are information.
When behaviour and words do not align, believe the behaviour.
