People who say they’re not bothered but keep checking, watching, or monitoring are often experiencing an internal conflict.

From a neuroscience perspective:

The brain’s threat and attachment systems (amygdala + dopamine circuits) stay activated when something unresolved matters. Even when someone consciously claims indifference, the brain still seeks information to regain a sense of control, certainty, or emotional regulation. Checking behaviour gives a brief dopamine hit (relief, reassurance), which reinforces the habit—much like any compulsive loop.

From a psychological perspective:

Avoidant or emotionally immature coping styles struggle with direct communication. Admitting concern would require vulnerability, accountability, or the risk of rejection. Monitoring from a distance feels “safer” than an honest conversation.

So why not communicate like an adult?

Because avoidance protects the ego, even if it prolongs discomfort. Silence and observation allow people to stay emotionally invested without taking responsibility for their feelings. It’s easier to watch than to say: “This still matters to me.”

In short:

If someone truly wasn’t bothered, their nervous system wouldn’t keep checking.

Adult communication requires emotional regulation, self-awareness, and courage—skills not everyone has developed.

Sometimes the behaviour says far more than the words.